5 Things I Wish I Learned in Sex Ed

Hello, beautiful! Today's post is going to be a bit different from others I've written on Haley Marie Blog in the past, but it's something I'm extremely passionate about: body- and sex-positivity.

Like many of you here in the United States, I didn't have sex ed growing up. My sex ed experience consisted of a 30-minute video in health class (known dauntingly as "The Video") that we watched when I was ten. Supposedly, The Video was supposed to cover all the nitty gritty details of sex - but in the end, all I got from it was that girls get their periods every month as long as they don't get pregnant.

Growing up, you wouldn't believe the effect this had on my self-esteem. When I first became sexually active with a partner (around the age of 15 or 16), I barely knew what a guy's penis looked like, let alone my own vagina. At 15, I went on the pill for the first time, and my mom - whom, don't get me wrong, I love to pieces - was annoyed that I hadn't asked for her permission before starting to take birth control.

And here's the real kicker: at 17, when I lost my virginity to my long-time boyfriend, I had to Google how to use a condom. Let's take a brief moment of silence to let that sink in for dramatic effect.

[Insert moment of silence here.]

Now that I've admitted all of that embarrassing information publicly on the web, hopefully you can feel a bit better about your own relationship with sex and your own sexual education growing up. More importantly, I hope you still have questions about sex and your own sexuality, and will never consider yourself "done" learning about how to have a healthy and satisfying sex life.

So, in the spirit of sexual education, today's post is all about five things I wish I learned in sex ed (if I'd had sex ed) that I had to figure out by my own devices. Not only will I be sharing the funny stories of how I learned these things not-quite-by-the-book, but I will also be giving you the scientifically-backed information you need to know (complete with links to external resources!). Consider this post the condensed sex ed course you never knew you needed!

1. That the pill is not the only form of birth control.

I've gone into great detail about my negative experiences with the pill on my blog (click here to read why I quit the pill) but I'll briefly recap for those of you who missed it: when I was 15, I went on hormonal birth control pills, and they pretty much ruined my life. Like, we're talking worsened depression, vaginal infections and - wait for it - dyspareunia (which is pretty much a fancy medicalized term for pain with sex). 

Don't get me wrong: I'm not telling you my horror story with the pill to suggest that there's anything wrong with oral contraceptives. After all, there's a reason why the pill is still so gosh darn popular! For women whose bodies respond well to the birth control, it's easy and convenient with minimal side effects - not to mention cheap. But it's also important to be aware of all your options, especially when you're receiving information about your birth control options for the first time.

Doctors are quick to prescribe the pill to teen girls who want protection against pregnancy, or relief from a slew of other hormonal symptoms ranging from cystic acne to killer cramps. However, there's also the shot, the ring, the patch, the implant and the IUD, among many other hormonal and non-hormonal methods of preventing pregnancy. 

Your takeaway...

Planned Parenthood has a handy page here comparing all the different forms of birth control you can try. You can also take their quiz to help you determine which form of birth control is the best option for you. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't referred to this more than a few times when making a decision about what birth control to go on next. Let's just add this to the laundry list of reasons why girls need Planned Parenthood in their lives!

If I could say one thing to doctors everywhere about hormonal contraception, it would be this: make sure your girls are informed. Give them all the information they need about all of their options, and help them make an educated decision about which birth control method is right for them. Don't just stick them on the pill because it's easy, cheap and convenient when it might not be the best thing for a girl or her body. 

Most importantly, let's allow girls to decide what's best for them and their bodies - not parents, nurses, doctors, church leaders or politicians. #amen

2. That your vagina is a self-cleaning oven.

I'm just going to come out and say it: I like my vagina! For years, I've felt pressure to change my sex organs; to make them into something they're not. But when you're constantly trimming pubic hair, washing your vagina with scented soaps and perfuming them with special sprays, it takes a toll on the healthy bacteria that help keep vaginal infections in check.

As women, I think we feel self-conscious about our vaginas because we're taught that they're "gross." After all, they're wet, sticky, slimy, smelly and, at times, downright disgusting. (If you've ever had a yeast infection, you know what I mean...no one wants their discharge compared to cottage cheese, ever!) But all the grooming and fussing about we do to make them less sticky, slimy and smelly isn't doing our vaginal health any good, either! 

Lots of women groom "down there" not for themselves, but for the men and women they're having sex with (whether that's vaginal, oral or any other kind of sex, it's sex just the same). But just remember: whether or not you want to shave, spray or soap up your vagina is your choice, and no one else's. 

Your takeaway...

It's usually best to leave your vagina alone and let it do its thing. Because soaps, sprays and douches can upset the healthy balance of bacteria that live down there, it's best not to use any products that contain irritating ingredients such as glycerin (which yeast love to feed off of) or fragrances. (Side note, but this applies to sexual lubricants, too!) 

If you do feel the need to use soap or other products to keep your vagina clean - which, if you do, is hopefully because you want to and not because your partner wants you to - I recommend using either unscented hypoallergenic soap or a mild cleanser formulated specially by gynecologists. (The Summer's Eve Simply Sensitive wash for sensitive skin is a personal favorite of mine - and while it does contain small amounts of fragrance, it's 100% OB/GYN approved.)

And, last but not least, when it comes to grooming, the big question is often "to shave or not to shave?" Nowadays, it's just as common not to shave as it is to shave (or wax, if that's your thing) - so don't feel pressure to go hairless if that's not your style! However, if you do choose to shave, make sure you use a sharp razor (no rust allowed!), lots of (fragrance-free) shaving cream and, of course, patience.

3. That it's okay to ask questions about sex.

In my parents' defense, I was never told that it wasn't okay to have sex, or that I shouldn't be having sex at a certain age. We just never talked about it, period. I didn't think this had much of an effect on my attitude toward sex until I actually started having it - at which point I realized I knew pretty much nothing about sex, and had never really given much thought to whether or not I thought I was ready for it. 

At one point in high school, I remember pointing out to my mom that she'd never given me "The Talk," to which she replied that she assumed I already knew everything I needed to know. But I can definitely say with some certainty that not talking about sex affected me more than she probably intended it to. Not talking about sex certainly didn't stop me from having it, or from having questions, but it did stop me from feeling like I had a reliable source of answers to all my burning questions about sex.

If I had only asked my mom the answers to questions I wanted to know, she probably would have answered - but at 17, what girl knows that it's okay to have (and ask) your parents questions about sex? At 17, when I lost my virginity, my main concern was hiding from my parents that I was having sex, and my secondary concern was avoiding pregnancy. Finding out answers to questions like "why does this position feel uncomfortable?" or "do I really need to pee every time I have sex?" (short answer to the latter: YES!) just wasn't a priority for me - but looking back, I really wish I'd asked my mom questions like that when I still had the chance. 

Your takeaway....

IMHO, if you talk to your parents openly about sex when you're young - ideally before you actually start having it - you'll reduce the amount of sexual stigma and shame you feel down the line. So, whether you've been having sex for three years or haven't had sex at all, if you have a burning question about sex, I recommend asking the real expert - aka your mom! 

Of course, many of us either don't feel comfortable seeking information from our parents, or know that our parents would disapprove of us having sex in the first place (whether because of religious, political or god-knows-what-kind-of reasons). And I can totally respect that. Sadly, not all of us are lucky enough to have that kind of relationship with our moms and dads.

In that case, I've compiled a handy list of reliable places where I got info about sex, sexuality and everything you could possibly want to know about the two as a teen. You're welcome for saving you from the awkward search history results....

• Planned Parenthood. Everything you ever wanted to know about birth control, STD prevention and free women's health services in your area.
• Bedsider.  A free resource aimed at young adults that has answers to all your burning questions about birth control, STDs, sexual pleasure and more.
• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. THIS BOOK SHOULD BE MANDATORY IN SCHOOLS! It's basically Sex Ed 101 for women trying to unlearn sexual shame, stigma or trauma, whether it's because of slut shaming, body confidence, sexual assault or more.
• OMG Yes. Learn to orgasm a thousand different ways with this Emma Watson-approved owner's manual for your clitoris. (It's a paid resource, but once you buy it, you've got access for life...and $40 is definitely worth a lifetime of orgasms.)
• Bellesa.  Bellesa describes itself as "female-friendly HD porn." If you're tired of watching hulking guys pound it into booby blondes, come here for a refreshing dose of fem-centric porn.
• Cosmo's Sexy Sutra. Because why have sex in boring ol' missionary when you could be doing it a thousand different ways instead?

4. That having more partners does not equal an STI.

STIs are a public health epidemic - and I'm not just being dramatic! So, my question to you is, if the only people getting STDs were the ones with dozens of partners, how come we're still seeing such high rates of transmission in the United States?

Perceived sexual promiscuity and STI contraction are not related. A person can have had sex with over a hundred people - but that's no guarantee that you're going to get an STI from them, just like only having sex with one partner isn't a protection against getting STIs. 

Sure, having sex with fewer partners definitely decreases your risk for STIs. (Not to mention that yes, unfortunately abstinence is the only 100%-effective form of protection against STIs and pregnancy.) But as long as you practice safe sex every single time - no ifs, ands or buts about it - you could have sex with as many people as you wanted with minimal risk of contracting STIs.

Your takeaway...

So, now you know the cold, hard truth about STI transmission, which can only mean one thing: no more slut shaming! Having lots of partners does not necessarily mean a person is carrying an STI - just like having a handful of partners doesn't guarantee that a person is STI-free. 

That being said, it's still important - nay, essential - to understand how STIs spread, and how we can best prevent their transmission. The number one rule to follow? Always, always use a condom (or dental dam)! Click here to check out my personal favorite eco-friendly brand of latex condoms - you're welcome ;) 

If you're still craving more information, Scarleteen has a great article that goes into greater detail about how you can prevent the spread of STIs. Additionally, if you're skeptical or nervous about asking your partner to use a condom, you might want to check out this great read from Cosmo about how to make using condoms way sexier....

....oh, and don't forget this handy guide from the CDC to cutting a latex condom into a dental dam. If you really wanna do humanity a favor, bookmark and send this to everyone you know. (You can thank me later.)

5. That masturbation is normal (and healthy!).

Last but not least comes the taboo no one wants to talk about (ha ha, "comes," get it?): masturbation. We all know that guys do it, and treat it as one of those non-negotiable "boys will be boys" facts - but for some reason, when it comes to women and masturbation, society suddenly goes silent on the topic altogether.

When I discovered masturbation as a teenager, I was ashamed, scared, curious and aroused all at the same time. Like most of you, I wasn't sure if what I was doing was normal, right or unhealthy, or if every girl's body worked the same way as mine. And when I had my first orgasm from it, I remember feeling confused and let down by the odd mixture of pleasure and shame I felt alone in my bedroom.

Back then, I wish someone would have told me that not only is masturbation healthy and normal, but so were all the mixed feelings I was having about it, too! Of course, there should be no shame in women's sexual pleasure - but it's normal and even common to feel the whole range of emotions when it comes to your body, your orgasm and your way of getting off.

Your Takeaway...

The way I see it, masturbation is critical to a healthy and happy sex life. Ideally, young women should start exploring their own bodies long before they're ready to allow a partner near their most intimate parts. Masturbating helps you get a feel for what your turn ons and turn offs are, without the added risks of pregnancy, STIs and your partner's emotions to stress you out. Not to mention, when you know what makes you feel good, it's much easier to show/explain to a partner how they can help you orgasm as well! 

So, let's address the elephant in the room, shall we? How exactly does one masturbate? Every girl's body is different, but there are a few surefire tips and tricks to help you cross the finish line (so to speak). Namely....

• Get in the mood. First thing's first: don't masturbate when you're sad, stressed, angry or downright exhausted. Your brain is your largest sex organ - so before you get down with yourself, make sure to get yourself in the mood! Whether it's lighting some candles, dimming the lights, cozying up in bed or watching/reading some scandalous pornography, setting the scene for some hot solo sex will help you "frame" your masturbation experience in the kind of contexts that get you going - and, alternatively, avoid stressful situations that can kill the mood in a flash.
• Find your clitoris. In case you haven't heard, your clitoris is that bean-shaped thing at the top of your vulva (note: vulva, not vagina!). It's home to thousands of teeny nerve endings that, when stimulated, are responsible for that wave of pleasure you feel as you orgasm. There are many ways to stimulate your clit, but for beginners, I recommend staying on top of the clitoral hood (aka that little flap of skin covering the sensitive part of your clit). Of course, some women find that direct stimulation is way too intense, yet others love it hard and fast - so do a little experimentation next time you get some alone time and find out what works best for you! 
• You've got other body parts, too...so use them! Though most women can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation, masturbating shouldn't be all clitoris, all the time. If it were your partner touching you, you'd want them to show you a little TLC - so why jackhammer out an orgasm when you could take your sweet time exploring instead? Just like when you're having sex with a partner, there are so many fun and interesting places you can touch when having solo sex, too. Try gently caressing your inner thigh, playing with your nipples or any other kind of touch that feels good to you...and once you find what you like, remember it so you can communicate it to your partner later.
• Invest in a sex toy. After masturbating with your fingers for awhile, you might find yourself getting curious about other ways of getting off (or suffering from a wicked hand cramp). That's a good time to invest in your first vibe! You can head to any local sex shop if you feel comfortable - or buy online from somewhere like Amazon or Adam & Eve that sells toys in discreet packaging. See below for some personal recommendations:
• Magic Wand Massager (best for clitoral orgasms)
• G Spot Vibrator (best for combo orgasms)
• Satisfyer Pro 2 (best for simulating oral sex) 
• SVAKOM Echo (best for partner sex)

Finally, it's important to remember that orgasm should never be the goal during masturbation (or any sexual activity for that matter). In other words, don't go into masturbation looking to "achieve" anything. It's a nice bonus if it happens, but ultimately, your focus should be on feeling good, whether that's by yourself or with a partner (or partners - to each her own!). So, don't stress yourself out over whether or not you think you'll orgasm and instead focus on what feels right to you - that's right, you and you alone! 

What's one thing you wished you learned in sex ed? LMK in the comments below or @haleymarieblog for a like/RT!

How I Handle Depression Like a #Girlboss | #MentalHealthMay

Hello, beautiful! This month on Haley Marie Blog, I'm honoring a cause that's close to my heart and so many others' hearts as well: mental health.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, which has me thinking a lot about my history of mental illness and just how far I've come in the past few years. My first year of college, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety for the first time. In May 2017, I started taking antidepressants, and in September 2017, I found my way to a new therapist who has helped me conquer so many of my worries, obsessions and fears.

As some of you may know, my anxiety was the reason I started blogging in the first place. My first blog, Love, Haley, chronicled my struggles with anxiety and my journey toward recovery for the world to see. Eventually, I moved on from Love, Haley to start Haley Marie Blog, my current project dedicated to being a happy, healthy and stylish #girlboss millennial.

That being said, I wanted to honor my roots as a blogger by taking this post back to what started it all. Blending the kernels of inspiration for both Love, Haley and Haley Marie Blog, this post shares all my best life hacks as a depressed, anxious girl for keeping my motivation and productivity high despite the (now occasional) low mood.

If you identify as a #girlboss who struggles with depression and want to learn how to manage it through that lens, then this post is the perfect one for you. Read on to find out how I stay happy, healthy and motivated despite depression and anxiety, and what you can do to keep being a #girlboss throughout your struggles with mental health....

Oh, and happy #MentalHealthMay everyone! :)

I make time for me.

First and foremost, the number one way I take care of my mental health is making self-care a priority. By ensuring I have at least an hour in my schedule every single day to take care of myself, I make sure my mental health never falls on the back burner.

As busy as we #girlbosses are, being busy should never be an excuse to let your health fail - yet I understand how easy it is to start guilt-tripping yourself when you take time away from your productivity for self-care. That's why I try to view making time for mental health as an investment rather than a chore. I know I don't feel my best when my depression is acting up - and when I don't feel my best, I don't work at my best, either.

Depression symptoms like poor concentration, fatigue and disinterest greatly impact my quality of work, so I feel I am actually more productive in the long run when I take an hour here or there for self-care. That's why I make it a point to make time for self-care instead of beating myself up over a wasted day of zero work: self-care allows me to rest and recharge so I can get back to work tomorrow as the best possible version of me that I can be!

I write down my anxious thoughts.

Journaling is the most amazing way to manage depression and anxiety. (Read my top five reasons to start a journal here!) Keeping a notebook in your purse or backpack is like carrying a portable therapist wherever you go - and unlike a human therapist, a journal will still be there for you outside the normal 9-to-5 hours.

You can easily personalize your approach to journaling to best meet your needs when it comes to managing your mental illness. For example, if you, like me, suffer from anxiety, you might find it helpful to write stream-of-consciousness style - aka what I lovingly refer to as a "brain dump."

On the other hand, if writing doesn't come naturally to you, you might be looking for a bit more structure to your journaling practice. That's where prompts like this list from Ivory and Pines can be helpful for guiding you through your depressed thoughts.

I give myself permission to be sad.

One of the most freeing and transformative things I've ever done for my depression is allowing myself permission to feel bad. Whether I'm sad or anxious or jealous or lonely, I always strive to sit with and accept my feelings, versus stuffing them back and ignoring them.

As long as you're expressing your emotions in a healthy way, there's no shame in feeling anything less than peachy. As much as our social media-driven society values that elusive idea of perfect happiness, it's important to remember that "perfect happiness" doesn't really exist.

So go ahead and cry when you need to, scream when you need to, stay in when you need to. Because the most liberating thing you can do for your mental health, in my opinion, is to give yourself permission to feel.

I treat my body right.

As Lena Dunham once said, exercise ain't about the booty - it's about the brain! All those endorphins Elle Woods was talking about when she said "happy people just don't shoot their husbands?" They really, truly exist. 

That's why I think exercising and eating right makes such a positive difference in my levels of depression and anxiety. When I treat my body well, I feel better about myself - not only in the way I look, but also in my energy levels, self-confidence and so much more. 

In my opinion, eating right (well, 80% of the time) and exercising are the two greatest signs of respect you can extend to your body. And when you love your body, well, your body loves you back! (Happy and healthy mind included.)

I focus on my breath.

Meditation can be frustrating for beginners, but is all the more rewarding once you get the hang of it. To me, there's nothing better than taking 2-5 minutes out of your day to sit quietly with your breath. It's less of a chore and more of a privilege that I get to spend those precious moments worried about nothing but the sounds of my inhalations and exhalations.

My favorite way to meditate is by using the Calm app to play a quiet soundscape of relaxing melodies and nature sounds. I personally love to listen to the sound of a gentle rainstorm on leaves while I breathe for 2-5 minutes (that's all it takes!), simply observing my thoughts and letting them come to pass.

The best part about a healthy meditation practice is that it allows you to translate these habits into your everyday life as well. For example, with practice, you'll soon be able to observe negative thoughts and let them go in your everyday life the same way you would when meditating. Meditation teaches you these skills and even more helpful ways to gain insight into yourself, and those ugly, negative thoughts that perpetuate your depression.

I give myself reality checks.

So much of depression and anxiety is grounded in unrealistic thoughts. Whether you're blowing the impact of a bad conversation with your crush out of proportion or imagining that you're going to bomb your upcoming calc final, these illogical, extremist thoughts do nothing but tear you down.

Don't get me wrong: normal levels of anxiety are healthy. That itching feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should study? Yeah, you should probably still listen to that! But reality checking is all about identifying when your negative or anxious thoughts are serving you, and when they are not. Most importantly, it's about selectively choosing when to engage with those thoughts based on how much and how well they serve you.

So, next time you find a negative thought crossing your mind - whether it's "I look fat in this dress" or "I'm never going to pass my exam" - challenge yourself to check the reality of the situation. Firstly, ask yourself "Is this thought true?" Secondly, try to come up with evidence supporting both sides of the argument and make a logical decision based on your findings. More often than not, you'll find that your sadness and fears are grounded in nothing more than a stubborn negative feeling than on the actual reality of a situation.

I seek out safe people (and ditch toxic ones). 

First thing's first: let's not misunderstand what I mean when I refer to seeking out "safe people." A safe person is not someone you are codependent on to make you feel better when you're anxious, depressed or otherwise down. A safe person is not someone you need more than you want. 

Rather, the safest people in your lives are the people you'd trust with anything. The people you know will have your backs no matter what, and the people you would do just about anything for. Those people are your tribe - and when you're dealing with depression, you have to be extra careful about what kinds of people you do and don't allow into that inner circle.

I know better than anyone what it's like to cling onto toxic friendships and romantic relationships. More often than not, these relationships start off sweet and turn sour somewhere along the way. When this happens, it's hard to let go of the thought of what the relationship used to be. That's why I like to say that you have to be careful not to fall in love (or friendship) with the idea of a person, but strive to see people and situations as they actually are. Being blunt with yourself about how good of a friend or partner the people in your life really are is the one and only way to make sure your inner circle of companionship remains sacred and healthy.

I value my happiness above anybody else's. 

Last but not least, I think the key to finding happiness when struggling with depression is to learn that it's okay to be selfish sometimes. In fact, it's not selfish at all to want to prioritize your own happiness over someone else's.

There are certainly times when constantly sacrificing others' needs to gratify your own isn't what you want - for example, in a marriage, or as a parent. But there are also times when you have to do just that, whether it's by saying no to helping a friend or turning down a date with your partner in favor of some much-needed girl time. After all, nothing is worse for your mental health than stretching yourself too far, too thin, too often.

In any relationship, platonic or romantic, it's important to learn that it's not selfish to pay attention to your personal needs and award yourself the healthy boundaries you want and deserve. You can and should value your own happiness above anybody else's. Because at the end of the day, you are the only person looking out for yourself when everyone else has gone home. And you deserve to love, cherish and honor yourself the same way you want to be loved, cherished and honored by others.

How to Be #StudyGoals

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links, aka sponsored links that help keep Haley Marie Blog alive. But don't worry: all of the opinions are still my own!

Hello, beautiful! Once again, it's finals szn here on Haley Marie Blog, which means it's time for another study-themed post dedicated to doing well on your upcoming exams.

Lately - and especially around finals - I am obsessed with all things related to bullet journals, planners and prettified notes. In my opinion, there's nothing more satisfying than the way a Zebra Mildliner glides against the creamy paper of my Muji notebook. Can you say "stationery porn" or what?

Anyways, I digress. Since I've been so obsessed with stationery lately, I decided to compile a post that's all about being #StudyGoals. If you, like me, love the idea of beautifully hand-lettered notes and color-coded planners but are daunted by the mere idea of it, then you're in the right place! This post is all about how to create those gorgeous notes you've been ogling on Pinterest and Tumblr for months now, from the tools of the trade to my top tips for studying effectively and efficiently in style.

So, without further ado, here are my best thoughts on how to be #StudyGoals during finals week:

The Right Tools

  

Studying is kind of like an internship in that you should buy tools for the kind of study habits you want to have, not the ones you currently do! (Unless, of course, your study habits are flawless - in which case, good for you, boo! Just don't rub it in...)

Throughout my college career, I've found that it's especially important to me to use stationery that not only helps me feel comfortable and productive, but also looks beautiful. Personally, when I am surrounded by beautiful things, I feel so much more motivated to give back by being creative and putting even more wonderful things out there through my blog and my other writing projects! 

So, even if the idea of buying kawaii stationery imported from Japan makes some people's eyes roll, I'm going to keep doing it, because it's what helps motivate me to put my head down, work hard and do my best at whatever it is I strive to do. 

That being said, if you, like me, are motivated by having the right tools for the job, check out the two lists below: one of my favorite places to shop for the cutest stationery out there, and one of my favorite products to stock up on in bulk! (But fellow bibliophiles beware: get ready for an hours-long online shopping binge....)

My Favorite Places to Buy Stationery

• Amazon. Classic, cheap and effective, Amazon always gets the job done when you're looking to fill an order fast. They carry some of my favorite brands of stationery, ranging from Muji pens and notebooks to Zebra Mildliners to Tombow dual brush pens. Amazon is like the Target of the Internet: you really can't go wrong! (And you'll probably leave with more in your cart than you actually meant to buy.)
• Muji USA. Though I love Japanese-originated stationery shop Muji for a plethora of reasons, I am obsessed with Muji's notebooks above all else. Their paper is just so soft that pens practically glide across it - they're like no other notebooks around! (And at $1.50 per 30-page notebook, you can't argue with their prices, either.)
• Mochithings. This online retailer found its way into my Pinterest feed one day - and as they say, the rest is history! I instantly fell in love with the brand's affordable prices and carefully curated selection of kawaii AF stationery and storage. If you're the kind of person that needs drawer dividers for your drawer dividers, let's just say you'll take immense satisfaction in the kind of attention to detail that Mochithings' products take.
• Kawaii Pen Shop. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't fall into multiple shopping spirals on Kawaii Pen Shop in the making of this blog post. This site is basically a warehouse for kawaii Japanese and Korean stationery....only way cuter than that basement warehouse your mom shops at. (Sorry, Mom!) The best part? Nearly everything is super cheap - like, we're talking $20.00 or less cheap. On a college budget, that's something I can definitely get behind! 

My Favorite Stationery Products

• ban.do 2018 12-Month Compact View Planner in Rose Parade. I bought this planner as a Christmas gift to myself in 2017...and usually by this time, I get sick of my planner and start looking into getting a new one. This year with my ban.do agenda has been the first year I haven't done that in a very, very long time! I'm so in love with its adorable designs, sleek layout and peppy compliments. It's everything a girl could possibly want in her weekly agenda, and oh-so-much-more as well! 
• Muji Gel Ink Ball Point Pen, 0.38-mm. Black gel pens are one of those staples every college girl needs - and these are amazing! Not only are they super cheap, but they dry quickly and won't bleed through paper the way your mom's old neons would in middle school. I highly recommend stocking up before finals so you won't run out of ink in the middle of an important essay....not that I know from experience.
• Pilot Precise V5 Stick Rolling Ball Pens, Extra Fine Point. Another favorite pen for me is the Pilot V5 Precise pen. These roller ball pens have an extra-fine tip that makes them perfect for bullet journaling or taking notes in the margins of your textbooks - and unlike most roller balls, they'll actually last you forever! 
• GANSSIA Colorful Series Design 0.7mm Mechanical Pencils. These mechanical pencils come in an array of pastels that really, truly brighten my day whenever I see them. As much as I tend to prefer pen, there's a time and a place for pencils - and when I'm reaching for one, it's almost always going to be my GANSSIA 0.5 mm mechanicals. End of story.
• Zebra Highlighter Mildliner, 5 Color Set. A cult classic among bullet journalers and studyblrs alike, Zebra's affordable pastel Mildliners are light enough that they won't bleed through just about anything.
• Stabilo BOSS Original Highlighter. Another highlighter you've probably spotted on your favorite #bujo or #studygram pic? The Stabilo BOSS highlighter, which adds a hint of color that won't dry out as quickly as my Mildliners did.
• Kokuyo Campus Notebook Semi B5. Kokuyo's Campus series of notebooks comes in everything from dotted paper, to blank paper, to graph paper, to lined paper, not to mention all your favorite shapes and sizes. Personally, I prefer the B5 size, college-ruled, for taking notes and jotting down to-do lists after class.
• MUJI Notebook. Ultimately, however, Muji's notebooks are my ride-or-die product for all things class, work and school-related. I love the way their paper feels when I flip the page, and find the thin lines and creamy pages just so satisfying. Personally, I buy the 70-sheet A5 size with 6mm rules, which cost about $8.00 per notebook.

The Right Techniques

So much of getting good grades in college has been learning how to study. It was the same adjustment I went through when I switched from middle to high school: suddenly, the way professors taught shifted, and I had to relearn all of my old study habits to adapt to my new environment.

Thus, naturally, being #StudyGoals in college is all about developing good habits - and nixing the bad ones! - ASAP. I won't say that I'm an expert at studying by any means, but I do think that time and practice have helped me developed some pretty helpful tricks for memorizing, retaining and recalling information.

That being said, the skills I've learned have definitely made me a better student in my college classes. That's why I'm going to share all my best study habits with you, so you too can learn to be #StudyGoals - not just on Instagram, but on your final exams, too!

My Favorite Study Techniques

1. Cornell notes. If you haven't started using the Cornell note-taking system yet, now's the perfect time to start! In this note-taking system, you use columns to organize your notes by subject line. Then, you write a summary at the end of each page of notes condensing the information you've learned in that reading. In my opinion, writing those summaries is one of the best ways to get information in your own words and really assess how well you know something. So, I always strive to do this when I'm taking notes - especially when it comes to self-guided readings that aren't accompanied by a professor's lecture. 
2. Use the Pomodoro technique. Ever find yourself getting distracted from studying by, you know, everything under the sun? Me, too! If you're having trouble keeping yourself away from Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Buzzfeed (because let's face it - who doesn't want to know what Game of Thrones character they are based on their horoscope), etc., try using the Pomodoro technique. In this technique, you set a timer to study for 50 minutes, followed by a dedicated 10 minute break. Believe it or not, taking these kinds of short, frequent breaks actually makes you more productive than cramming for hours on end - so feel free to take that Buzzfeed quiz in your downtime! Just download a timer such as StudyBreak to keep you on track ;)
3. Search for flashcards on Quizlet. Making flashcards is a useful study habit, but I often find that the actual process of making 100+ flashcards for a final ends up being an ineffective use of my time. That's why I love Quizlet so much: you can easily search for flashcards made by students who previously took the same class, whether at your school or a different university, and study using their decks. Not to mention, there are some pretty fun games you can play with their flashcards (as well as practice tests) to assess how well you're doing and develop healthy study habits. I especially recommend downloading the Quizlet app for a fun, efficient way to study on the go, whether that's during your morning commute to class or on a 10-minute break during a long lecture.
4. Explain the material to someone else. In my opinion, the best way to figure out if you know the material or not is to try teaching it to someone else. If you can explain a complicated concept to someone who's not taking the class, whether that's communications theory or organic chemistry, then you're golden. So, find yourself a study buddy who doesn't mind listening to a long rant (and offer to do the same for them!). That'll honestly be one of the best tests of how well you know the material - plus, it's always more fun to study with a friend!
5. Go to office hours. As cliche as it sounds, developing a relationship with your professors outside of class is honestly one of the best things you can do for your GPA. Not only does it show your professors how invested you are in your academics, but it also provides a great opportunity to ask specific questions that might not have been covered in class. My advice? Come with an index card of 3-5 questions you want to touch on during your discussion. That way, you'll be able to most effectively use your time and the professor's time to your advantage.
6. Attend TA-led review sessions. Another great way to get study hacks straight from the source is to attend any review sessions led by your TA or lab instructor. While the TA might not be able to tell you the exact exam questions, he or she probably has the best guess of anyone as to what material is going to appear on the test. Plus, it's their job to know the material covered in class like the back of their hand - so who better to ask all your burning questions during test prep than your TA?

What's your favorite way to study for finals? LMK in the comments below or @haleymarieblog on social media!

A College Girl's Guide to Traveling Solo + Free Packing List

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links, aka paid links that help keep Haley Marie Blog alive. But don't worry: all of the opinions are still my own! 

Hello, beautiful! I have a confession to make: I've never flown by myself before. There, I said it! I've been to Paris, London, Wales, Alaska, San Francisco - you name it. But never have I ever gone anywhere alone...until now, that is.

On May 3rd, I'll board a plane by myself in Boston and land in Pennsylvania, where I'll spend five days soaking up every second with my long-distance boyfriend (but that's a whole other post!). There's not a single part of that sentence that doesn't excite me, but for every ounce of excitement, there's also a small pang of stress, anxiety and fear.

Traveling usually makes me nervous in a good way, sending an adrenaline rush down my spine. But then again, I've never been the one in charge of all the not-so-glamorous bits of traveling before. From the boarding passes to the checked baggage fees to the TSA's ever-evolving rules and requirements, I have to admit I'm a little overwhelmed by the whole process of traveling alone....

....which is precisely why I decided to write this post for you guys! I know that for every question I have about traveling alone, you guys probably have three. So, I decided to do some research and come up with some pro tips for traveling solo that we can both take advantage of on our next adventures!

P.S. Stay tuned until the end of the post to download my free printable packing list for all your upcoming travel needs ;)

Do: Dress the Part

 

Whenever I was a little kid and headed to the airport with my family, I always took pride in choosing the perfect outfit to travel in. After all, I wanted to look glamorous and cultured like the celebrities I aspired to be like! (Cough cough Audrey Hepburn cough.) But as I've gotten older, I've learned one thing about traveling that's super important: comfort comes first. 

Especially if you're taking a lengthy international flight or a redeye, you should prioritize being comfortable sitting down for hours at a time over wearing your favorite pair of skinny jeans. In fact, I would argue that you should avoid skinny jeans altogether, since long-haul flights can mess with your circulation! (For that reason, I recommend a cute pair of slip-ons - sweater Uggs, anyone? - and fuzzy socks for the plane.)

Last but not least, stay warm by dressing in layers! In my experience, the temperature inside airplanes rarely matches the temperature outside them - so bring a light jacket, sweatshirt or cardigan and a trusty blanket scarf to keep you warm and cozy in the chilly outsets of the atmosphere.

Don't: Check Baggage

You know those international flights for $99 that almost seem too good to be true? Well, that's because they are: usually, they charge money to bring anything more than a small personal item onboard (including carryons!). Instead, I recommend splurging on tickets with an airline you know and trust, which usually includes a carryon with each ticket. 

To avoid the extra surcharge for checking baggage, I recommend packing a carryon with a well-planned capsule wardrobe of 10-15 pieces (or less!). You would be surprised at how many outfit combinations you can make for a weeklong trip with just a few items in your wardrobe. 

Planning your outfits ahead of time can prevent you from overpacking and help you fit all your clothes into a smaller carryon. My favorite way to plan outfits as of lately has been the Cladwell app, which lets you create a virtual wardrobe full of pieces that look similar to your own. 

Cladwell's best feature is the capsule feature, which lets you select a group of pieces in your wardrobe and advises you on how to combine them into outfit combinations. Example? I picked out 14 pieces to pack for my five-day trip to visit David in PA and it returned nearly 40 outfit combinations. And that doesn't even include accessories!

Do: Separate Liquids and Medications 

We all know that the TSA has regulations about what size liquids you can bring on an airplane...but something I just learned about the TSA? Medications must also be separated along with liquids! Who knew, right?

The rules are that you are only allowed to bring liquids under 3.4 oz, and that the total amount of liquids you bring must fit inside a clear, one-quart plastic bag. The only exception is if you need to bring medications such as ointments or liquid medicines that are over 3.4 oz; however, they may be subject to additional screening from the TSA. So, be sure to set your medicines aside in a separate plastic bag and remove them from your carryon along with your toiletries!

One way I like to save money when I travel is by buying the empty miniature bottles and filling them myself, rather than stocking up on all the miniature versions of my favorite products. However, a few things I always buy in the travel sizes include: Neutrogena Oil-Free Cleansing Wipes, Not Your Mother's Beach Babe Texturizing Sea Salt Spray and Batiste Dry Shampoo Divine Dark.

Don't: Bring a Full Water Bottle

For obvious reasons, you shouldn't bring a full bottle of water (or any liquid) into airport security! Believe it or not, this is something many people - myself included - tend to forget...and then we wind up disappointed when the TSA officer asks us to dump out our Starbucks in the nearest trash can. (Not that that would ever happen to me, of course.)

Instead, what my mom always taught me to do growing up was to bring an empty reusable water bottle in my backpack and fill it up at the water fountains. If the idea of drinking airport water freaks you out, follow in my footsteps and invest in a water bottle with a Brita filter! This might sound crazy, but I swear to God you can taste the difference.

As for your morning or afternoon coffee, wait until you cross through TSA to chug that cuppa' joe. Because Starbucks may be the love of my life, but it definitely tastes better in my mouth than in the trashcan outside airport security.

Do: Chew Gum 

This is probably the first "travel tip" I ever learned! Ever since I was a little girl, my mom used to take my brother and I out to buy magazines and fresh packs of gum for our trips to visit my grandparents in California.

The reason for the gum? That minty fresh taste does more than just make your breath smell better. In fact, it helps relieve that nasty air pressure that builds up inside your eardrums. So, chewing a piece or two of your favorite gum during takeoff and landing can make you feel a thousand times better by the time those airplane wheels hit the runway.

Personally, I'm a fan of the Trident Sugar Free Gum in Minty Sweet Twist - it's a classic. However, Simply Gum is perfect for those of you who are conscious of your health and what goes into your body, whereas Project 7 Gourmet Gum makes unique flavors for the more adventurous gum enthusiast. Regardless of what kind you choose, I promise this hack will make your travel experience ever the slightest bit more comfortable.

Don't: Waste Your Layover

Let's face it: while direct flights are always the dream, sometimes that three- or four-hour layover is simply unavoidable. My motto? Rather than resenting the boredom that often accompanies these hours-long holding periods, try to make the most of your time wherever you are! 

If you're in a city with an extraordinarily long layover - like, we're talking 6+ hours here, people! - you might consider leaving the airport and doing a little sightseeing while you're in town. For example, I booked a flight to Italy for this August that includes a 12-hour layover in Munich, Germany, so I'm planning to spend the day exploring castles and beer gardens before boarding my plane at night.

On the other hand, if you're simply stuck in one place for a couple of hours, I highly recommend staying within the bounds of the airport so you don't risk getting left behind in the hustle and bustle of airport security. However, that doesn't mean you still can't explore! In fact, staying on your feet during a long layover is a great way to stretch your legs and avoid blood clots once you catch your next flight.

Do: Pack the Perfect Travel Bag

Packing the right bag can make or break your flying experience, determining everything from how bored you are during your flight to how well you sleep to how much you're able to take onboard. That's why I always take special care to pack a travel bag - aka that TSA "personal item" everyone's always talking about - that meets my needs when I'm on the go.

That being said, here's a short sampling of things I strive never to forget when I'm jetsetting between states:

• ID and passport. Because, well, duh.
• Empty water bottle. As discussed before, reusable water bottles save money and the environment, and won't get you busted by TSA.
• Hand lotion and chapstick. Flights can be extremely drying. That's why it's important to keep your skin quenched throughout the course of your adventure! (Drinking water helps here, too.)
• Emergen-C and hand sanitizer. I don't know about you, but I tend to get sick every time I fly somewhere new. Prepare yourself to take on the germy airport wth a healthy, portable dose of vitamin C and some germ-proof sanitizers.
• Kindle. I used to be one of those girls who never wanted a Kindle because she'd miss the feeling of paper and ink beneath her fingers (still true!). But I will admit that I'm in love with how the miracle of technology has made it possible to take thousands of books wherever I go in one small, rose gold package - which I am especially grateful for on long-haul flights.
• Portable charger. Outlets on airplanes tend to be, well, nonexistent. (Unless you pay extra for all those in-flight accommodations, that is.) That's why I like to bring my own portable charger for a little extra juice at cruising altitude.
• Healthy, non-perishable snacks. Last but not least, what's a solo trip without a little in-flight snacking? Some of my favorite plane-friendly snacks to munch on mid-flight include LUNA Protein Mint Nutrition Bars, Modern Oats All Natural Oatmeal Cups and Trader Joe's Simply Almonds, Cashews & Cranberries Trek Mix.

Don't: Forget Anything! 

Last but not least, make sure you've packed all the right essentials for your trip by using my free printable packing list! This list will help you prepare for your next adventure with little more than carry-on luggage. Simply click on the image below to enlarge and print your free checklist, courtesy of yours truly :) You're welcome, babes!

What in-flight essentials couldn't you live without? 

LMK in the comments below!

Healthy Groceries on a College Budget

Hello, beautiful! I'm on another health kick here at Haley Marie Blog, so today I'm bringing you a post all about how I shop for healthy groceries on a college budget.

Admittedly, I did a post very similar to this one awhile back about my favorite place in the world, aka good ol' Trader Joe's. But today, I wanted to revisit the topic to talk about what I eat in a normal week in greater detail and show you guys how easy it is to eat healthy - even when you don't feel like cooking!

When you're a busy college gal rushing around campus, eating healthy might feel impossible. After all, those meal prepped salads you see on Instagram definitely take a lot more time than picking up a Panera bread bowl on your way home from class. But I'm here to show you that you don't need to be a 'Gram star to start treating your body like the temple it is.

In fact, the hallmark of my daily diet is that I love to eat things I can just throw together in a heartbeat. What I'll be talking you through today is a handful of my favorite lazy day staples for munching on when I don't feel like eating "real food." (Which, if I'm being honest, is what ends up happening most days!)

On that note, here's what I typically eat in a day and how I shop for healthy groceries on a scrappy college budget. Let's get started :)

Produce

In any healthy diet, fresh fruits and veggies should be the foundation of what you eat on a daily basis. One of the most helpful tips I've ever heard about healthy grocery shopping is to try to shop the perimeter of the store, as that's where you'll find the freshest fruits, vegetables and other products with minimal processing!

Here are some of my favorite things to buy in the produce aisle for a healthy diet and why I love to eat them so much:

• Mini peppers. The easiest snack to munch on between classes, and my favorite way to sneak in some healthy veggies! 
• Red grapes. Grapes are the perfect finger food for snacking on-the-go. Toss some in a bag on your way to class and chew away.
• Bagged broccoli. You know, the kind that can be steamed in the bag in the microwave...you'll never find an easier way to sneak veggies into your dinner than this! 
• Romaine lettuce. For piled-high Caesar salad dinners and topping off a sandwich between classes.
• Baby carrots. Another finger food I love to munch on when I'm on the run! Perfect for tossing in a bag on your way to your next class.
• Guacamole. A must-have dip for eating with multigrain tortilla chips (see below), peppers or carrots.

Meat & Dairy

After I quit being vegan/vegetarian in January 2018, I was able to incorporate a lot more healthy options into my diet and finally get that variety I'd craved for so long. One of the things I am still passionate about when it comes to meat, however, is buying cage-free, antibiotic-free and hormone-free whenever possible. (Organic is great, too, if you can swing it!)

Here are just a sampling of the staples I like to pick up when I'm cruising through the meat and dairy aisles at my local grocery store:

• Hormone-free chicken. I like to freeze chicken for making everything from lightened-up chicken alfredo to sweet and sour chicken over rice. But because I'm conscious of the balance of estrogen in my body, it's super important to me to avoid brands that feed their chickens growth hormones. That's why I look for hormone-free varieties instead!
• Roast turkey slices. My favorite meal to make on the go is a turkey and muenster cheese sandwich. Add a couple baby carrots and you've got yourself an easy lunch or dinner of champions.
• Organic cheese slices. Much like hormone-free chicken, I also look for hormone-free dairy products whenever possible. They're perfect to keep on hand for making one of my favorite comfort meals, grilled cheese with sliced tomato.
• Siggi's yogurt. Siggi's is my favorite brand of yogurt because it's creamy, tart and oh-so delicious! Technically, it's Icelandic-style Skyr rather than yogurt, but it's the perfect breakfast or snack nonetheless.
• Organic milk. I like to keep organic milk on hand for cooking, particularly when I make Annie's macaroni and cheese on lazy days ;) I always try to buy full-fat dairy whenever possible because it's better for acne-prone skin than the low-fat or fat-free stuff that has added sugar in it.
• Vanilla Coffeemate. Moderation is key to any healthy diet - and for me, my sweetened coffee is the one thing I won't give up for anyone or anything. The one thing I try to look for is products that don't contain high-fructose corn syrup. Other than that, I give myself free reign when it comes to making my coffee taste amazing! 

Snacks & Pantry

A lot of healthy foodies will rave on and on about how you should try to eat minimally processed snacks - and for the most part, I agree! However, there are some times in life when we just have to forgive ourselves for what we eat when we're super busy and on the go. 

In my opinion, at these times, it's much better to prepare healthier packaged snacks than to go for the good old-fashioned cookies, cakes and Coca Cola. That being said, here are some of my favorite snacks and pantry items in that category to stock up on for busy days:

• Salad dressing (with no added sugar!). Salad dressing is one of those sneaky places that food industry giants like to slip sugar into. So, make sure you read labels so you find the most minimally processed option you can! (I'm a fan of the Annie's and Trader Joe's brands.)
• Multigrain tortilla chips. If you're gonna eat chips and tip, my philosophy is to at least get some whole grains in there whenever possible! On busy days, I've even been known to eat chips and guac for dinner. Not that I recommend that, of course...
• White wheat bread. If you're like me and super picky about the texture of your food, I highly recommend white wheat bread. It's just as soft as the Wonderbread you remember from your childhood, while still getting in those 100% whole grains. (The Trader Joe's brand is, as always, my personal fave!) P.S. Read the label and try to avoid that high-fructose corn syrup. Sneaky, sneaky devil that stuff is! 
• Dark chocolate trail mix. Last but not least, if you need a snack that's perfect for running all over campus, trail mix is the way to go. Trader Joe's makes my favorite blend: it's simply almonds, cashews and dark chocolate with a hint of salt. Mm, mm, mmmm!

What are your favorite cheap, healthy eats on a college budget? LMK in the comments below!

5 Reasons to Start a Journal

Hello, beautiful! Long time, no see...or write, if you want to get technical about it ;)

You might have noticed that it's been more than awhile since my last blog post. After ending a long-term relationship, I recently took some time for myself to practice self-care and get back into the dating scene.

In fact, that period of self-care is what inspired my latest blog post called 10 Reasons to Start a Journal! Following a particularly complicated hookup experience, I started journaling again after months of silence to help work myself through all my mixed emotions on the subject.

I'm a huge proponent of journaling as a way to get thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Realizing your thoughts on paper, in my opinion, is one of the best ways to get to know yourself and help yourself through tough decisions....but more on that later!

If you want to know all about why I love journaling so much, just keep scrolling - and don't forget to share the post on social media @haleymarieblog if it speaks to you :)

1. Journaling is like therapy.

I'm the kind of person who very much needs to use words to work her way through the experiences and thoughts in my head. That's why I'm a huge fan of talking things out with a friend or my therapist - but what happens when it's just you alone with your thoughts?

For me, that's where journaling comes in. Journaling is almost like having a non-judgmental third person - a therapist, even - to convey all of your deepest thoughts and emotions to. But unlike a human third party, you never have to worry about your journal gossiping or subtweeting about all your darkest secrets! 

2. Journaling helps you remember.

Pulling out my old journals from middle school is cringeworthy, to say the least - but TBH, at almost 20 years old, I'm happy I still kept some of the things I wrote during my childhood. Was my handwriting bad, and my story ideas worse? Yes, absolutely. Does looking back on my middle school crushes give me nausea? Of course. But am I still glad I remember all those moments, both good and bad, because I took the time to write them down? Hell freakin' yes! 

As an adult, nothing makes me happier than knowing that crucial moments like my first kiss or the moment I lost my virginity are written down for safekeeping. Even if I don't look at them for years, I'd love to be able to look back on them with my children or grandchildren and reflect on everything I've experienced and learned over my long lifetime. In a way, looking through old journals is the same as looking through a scrapbook of all your favorite memories - and I just can't get enough of it.

3. Journaling forces you to slow down.

I can't even count the number of times I've woken up in the morning and laid down in bed and wondered what the hell happened to all the time in-between. On crazy busy days, the whole day can literally flash before my eyes - and suddenly, like magic, I'm already one day older. 

That's the incredible thing about journaling: sitting down with a journal forces you to slow down and be mindful of the present moment. That way, on those crazy busy days, at least I get one chance to take time out of my schedule to be alone with my thoughts. It might be the only chance I get all day to sit down and reflect, but at least I get that moment through keeping my journal!

4. Journaling teaches you how to be alone.

As an ambivert (i.e. someone who has qualities of both an extravert and an introvert), going through a recent breakup really opened my eyes to how much I hate being alone. Because I have qualities of an introvert, retreating is usually my first instinct after something mind-boggling or heart-wrenching happens to me - but because I'm an extravert, being alone with those thoughts can drive me crazy to the point of sheer misery.

Since starting up my journal again, I'm proud to say that I have relearned how to be alone with my thoughts - and how to be okay with that! When you're someone who feeds off the energy of others (like me!), it can be tough to come home to an empty apartment. But thanks to journaling, those moments no longer feel aimless or sad. Instead, I see being alone as an opportunity to reconnect with myself and remember all the best parts of what it means to be me.

5. Journaling holds you accountable.

Last but not least, I'm a big believer of using journals not only to work through difficult emotions, but also to keep you on track for achieving your biggest, wildest dreams. Whenever I set a goal for myself, I like to write it down and outline the steps for achieving it in a notebook or journal so I can reflect on how far I've come down the line.

Keeping a journal for your goals is like having a buddy or coach built into your day at all times. After all, unlike a friend or trainer, your journal is always there for you to write down how many miles you ran or how many pages you read toward your goal. That way, you learn to hold yourself accountable instead of depending on others to do it for you. 

Would you consider starting a journal? LMK in the comments below!