Merry Blogmas, Day Seven! Unfortunately, I missed my daily posts these past two days because of some very heavy journalism commitments (I recently became an Associate City News Editor for the Daily Free Press at BU!), but I'm back at it today, and hopefully stronger than ever...ha. We'll see about that part.
This year, my best friends and I decided that we would hold a Secret Santa party instead of all of us buying gifts for one another like we usually do. I actually ended up having to trade names with someone because out of my entire group of friends, the generator paired me with Ryan. But now that that fiasco is over, my mind immediately flew to what the heck I was going to buy for my Secret Santa - and I know that many of you must be thinking the same.
This time of year, it's common to go to Secret Santa parties, whether it's for work, school, family, or friends. Depending on how well you know the person, figuring out what to buy for your Secret Santa can be a breeze - or, it can pose a serious dilemma.
That's why today, I'm bringing you another post in my 5 Under $50 series: Secret Santa gifts!
Many Secret Santa parties come with limits on how much money you can spend, so I thought that this would be the perfect fodder for the next 5 Under $50. In fact, this post is organized by price range, so there's a gift for every budget, ranging from $10 all the way up to $50.
And these gift ideas aren't exclusive to Secret Santa parties, either. If you have ever done a Yankee swap, or participated in another Christmas gift-giving tradition, you know that there are a million ways to host a party of this kind. No matter what you choose to call it, the important thing is that you're having fun and spending time with the ones who matter most to you...
Okay, let's face it: the gift matters a little bit, too. Thankfully, that's where I come in.
Clean Up Your Fractal DIY Soap Kit
As Secret Santa, it's your responsibility to make sure your recipient shines bright like a diamond when he or she opens your gift. Luckily, this soap-making kit will help you achieve that goal - both literally and figuratively!
This DIY gemstone soap kit was produced through a collaboration between Honestly WTF and Makers Kit. For $39.99, you'll gift your Secret Santa everything he or she needs to create two bars of gemstone-shaped soap entirely from scratch. Perfect for the craftsiest lady-slash-dude in your life, or anyone you feel like spoiling this Christmas as their Secret Santa. Available from ModCloth.
iRig Karaoke Microphone
Whether your Secret Santa match-up is an aspiring YouTube sensation, loves to record podcasts, or just wants to host the best makeshift parties around, this gift is the perfect way to support that person's passion.
The iRig karaoke microphone costs $40 - and despite its name, it can be used for so much more than singing loudly (and drunk-ly) along to Aretha Franklin on a Saturday night. Simply plug the cable into your phone's headphone jack for high-quality voice recording and sound quality. If your recipient does happen to be a fan of karaoke, he or she can download free apps like EZ Voice for a fun time with friends. Equally perfect for your techy best friend and your crazy coworker who wants to quit her job to audition for The Voice. Available from Urban Outfitters.
Imbibe the Vibe Crystal Set in Friendship
Send good vibes your Secret Santa recipient's way this Christmas season. For a boost of positive energy, gift him or her this collection of gemstones, each individually selected to bring a different benefit to your friendship.
The $21.99 set includes five stones: hematite, for relationship improvement; rhodonite, for forgiveness; rose quartz, for enhancement of (platonic) love; unakite, for partnership; and emerald, for balance. All five stones come in a spartan, yet beautiful pouch. Gift it to that friend who's always trying to read your tarot cards, or the guy at work you want to not-so-subtly friendzone for all eternity. Available from ModCloth.
Binge-Watching Survival Kit
If you care about your friends' health, you won't tell them to stop sitting in front of the TV and start exercising - you'll buy them one of these survival kits and sit down next to them instead. Whether Scandal is his or her passion, or Grey's Anatomy is more their speed, look out for your loved ones this holiday season by gifting them a binge-watch survival kit.
This binge-watch survival kit comes with two face-cleansing towlettes (so you can freshen up without missing the big plot-twist), two stain-removing towlettes (for the inevitable pizza-in-lap debacle), two packets of dental floss (for getting rid of those pesky popcorn kernels), breath drops (for the "chill" part of Netflix and chill), socks (for keeping those toesies warm at all times), two coasters (you know why), a chip clip (to keep that bag of potato chips from going stale, on the off chance you can actually keep from finishing them), and more goodies for your next binge-watching session. For $20, this kit is an absolute steal. Give it to the bestie you wish would watch the Gilmore Girls revival already, as a subtle-ish impulse. Available from Urban Outfitters.
DCI Merry Charger
Last but not least, for the gal who's on a tight budget, give the gift of holiday cheer this season for the affordable price of $9.95.
This colorful, twinkling charger is compatible with iPhones 5 and beyond. DCI even gave this fun and festive product an exclusive blinking feature, to light up your room like a Christmas tree. TBH, reviews are mixed, but I think the novelty of this product far outweighs the functionality in precedence, and is well worth the price you pay. Overall, this would make a great gift for that friend who thinks he's Buddy the Elf, or that annoying coworker who just can't even with the Christmas cheer. Available from American Eagle.
Still looking for a creative Secret Santa gift? Shop Haley Marie's Etsy store for decorative printables all under $20!
I'm still kickin' it on Day Four of Blogmas! (Well, more like pushing through, but that's beside the point.) Today, I'm sharing a little post to help you figure out what to get for all the girls in your life this holiday season.
Whether it's your little sister who's graduating high school, your sister-in-law, your daughter, or your best friend, knowing what she wants for the holidays can sometimes get a little bit tricky. Unless you're a mind-reader, there's always a chance that she could secretly dislike your gift - or worse, return it faster than Rachel on Friends.
Thankfully, as a college gal who's been busy making her own wishlist, I'm in a position where I can offer a little bit of advice for all the stuck family, friends, and loved ones who don't know what to get their favorite woman for Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever festive occasion you're celebrating this December.
Whether you're looking to splurge or save this holiday season, my gift guide for her will help you find the perfect gift.
Splurge
Beats by Dre Wireless Headphones in Rose Gold I've seen many girls wearing these exact headphones at BU - and those of us who don't have a pair of of our own are pretty much all envying them from afar (yes, me). These headphones boast amazing sound quality - I've heard they're incomparable - as well as 40 hours of battery life. With no pesky wires to get tangled up in your bag, they're perfect for the college student, the busy working girl, or the aspiring world traveller. Available for $299.95 in the Apple Store.
Longchamp Large Le Pliage Tote in Beige
Longchamp's Le Pliage totes have been popular for some time now, because of both their utility and their versatility. Sterling reviews declare it "the perfect bag" and praise it for its size, lightness, and durability. From a style perspective, the beige tone is just different enough to set you apart from the seas of girls carrying their navy blue versions, while the neutrality of its shade will still match everything you own. It's the perfect gift for any girl who wants a bag that's both practical and stylish. Available for $145.00 from Nordstrom.
Hunter Original Tall Rain Boots in Black
There have been a thousand times when, living on campus, I've wished I owned a pair of rain boots just like these ones. Rain boots are one of the most practical gifts you can give, yet they're still a great gift to receive - after all, what could be better than getting the gift of dry socks? They're perfect for the city girl who's not a fan of your typical bright, colorful boot, but still wants to protect her feet from the rain. Available for $150.00 from Urban Outfitters.
Cheshire Monogram Necklace
Monograms aren't just for Lilly Pulitzer-loving sorority girls - they're a beautiful accessory for any girl who's proud of who she is and where she comes from. At Moon and Lola, you can even customize a necklace exactly to your favorite girl's style. Choose your metal, size, and chain length, enter her initials, and watch her face light up when she opens your thoughtful gift on Christmas morning. Available for $158.00 from Moon and Lola.
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Dipthyque Roses Scented Small Candle
As much as I love Yankee Candle, Dipthyque is the go-to favorite of every Hollywood 'It' girl there is. This candle's classic design adds a bit of Parisian flair to every room it lights up, while its fresh rose scent will fill your heart (and your nose) with joy. Still not convinced? 100% of reviewers said they loved this item. Plus, a sweet scented candle is always a safe bet for your holiday hostess with the mostest, your boyfriend's mom, or anyone you're never sure what to buy for the holidays.Available for $32.00 from Bloomingdale's.
Kylie Jenner Lip Kit in Merry
The Kylie Jenner Lip Kit is all anyone from beauty bloggers to ordinary girls in Sephora can rave about these days. For your fifteen-year-old cousin or your boyfriend's little sister, the name-drop alone will be enough to make them smile. However, if the Kardashian Klan still isn't your loved one's thing, then the creamy, long-wear formula of this flattering red lipstick and liner duo will have them convinced in no time. This gift is perfect for just about anyone who loves a classic bold lip. Available for $30.00 from Kylie Cosmetics.
2017 Jardin de Paris 17-month Planner
If your girlfriend, sister, mom, or best friend just can't get enough of perusing planner porn on Pinterest, then Rifle Paper Co. makes the perfect gift for her. This classic rosy floral design evokes the carefree vibes of Paris, France, while the compact, functional layout will help her stay organized despite the chaos of work, finals, life, and beyond. Available for $34.00 from Rifle Paper Co.
Urban Decay Naked Smoky Eyeshadow Palette
You probably remember all the fuss about the Naked palettes from last Christmas, but sorry to say that the hype isn't going away anytime soon. Urban Decay recently put out its new Smoky Palette - which, unlike prior Naked palettes, offers bolder, darker shades of its highly-pigmented eyeshadow. According to the site, each of the shades in the Smoky Palette uses Urban Decay's signature Pigment Infusion System, a special blend of ingredients that gives its eyeshadows superior color, texture, and shine. Available for $54.00 from Urban Decay.
GMYLE Hard-Shell Case for MacBook Pro 13 in White Marble I
Even the tech industry is getting in on the marble trend that's currently blowing up (in case you couldn't tell from my marble-ous blog layout and printable designs!). This matte, hard-shell case is recommended by Amazon and will help protect your girlfriend, sister, or best friend's laptop from all kinds of accidents. Reviewers say it "fits like a glove" and even has vents on the bottom to keep your laptop from overheating. This is the perfect gift for any girl who's glued to her tech and doesn't want to sacrifice style for functionality. Available for $16.98 on Amazon Prime.
Want more gift ideas from Haley Marie? Follow me @haleymarieblog on Pinterest, Twitter, and Tumblr!
** Disclaimer: I was not compensated in any way for this post. All of the opinions expressed in this post are my own.
It's Day Three of Blogmas, and I'm still going strong(-ish). Today, I'm bringing you another sweet holiday surprise: a brand-new series on Haley Marie!
5 Under $50 will showcase some of the best style, beauty, and decor trends available on the web for, you guessed it, less than $50! As a beauty and fashion blogger who's also a broke college student, I know how tempting it can be to shop for cute new clothes, makeup that won't smudge, and dorm room decor when you're on a tight budget. That's why I've decided to launch this series, to help you find items that will suit your personal style without breaking the bank.
The first 5 Under $50 is all about advent calendars. If you're a little late to the Christmas game (like me!), you might still be shopping around for a stylish way to count down to the holidays. So, I've decided to scour the web for five of the best advent calendars of all shapes and sizes. Some come as DIY kits; others come with beauty or other goodies - but no matter which one you choose, I promise that none will disappoint!
Throughout the rest of Blogmas, I have a couple other exciting 5 Under $50 posts planned, from Secret Santa gifts to holiday party dresses. However, I'm hoping to keep this series going after Blogmas, too - so hopefully, you all will love it just as much as I loved writing it.
Until then, here are five inexpensive advent calendars perfect for this holiday season!
3D Advent Village from Anthropologie
It takes a village to count down to Christmas! (Sorry, that was not funny.)
For the avid DIY-er, this advent calendar kit from Anthropologie easily folds together to house clever facts and jokes about Christmastime. Designed by London artist Lucy Panes, the advent calendar takes inspiration from old photographs, folk art, English Christmas markets, and more to bring you an adorable way to house all your holiday goodies.
For just $18, you'll get 24 stackable house and tree boxes, 24 facts and jokes to house inside, and bunting, twine, and stickers to adorn your new advent village. Get it here.
Oh K! 12 Days of Beauty Advent Calendar from Lisa Angel
If you've fallen in love with the Korean beauty trend, this fun and playful gift set from Oh K! will meet all of your quirky Christmas needs.
Sold by Lisa Angel, each of the twelve doors in this condensed advent calendar is decorated with a totally kawaii illustration. From tiny woodland creatures to itty bitty pink polka dots, each day will make you go "Squee!" Though I won't give it all away, the holiday treats you'll unveil range from colorful hair chalk, to shimmering nail polish, to thick, luxurious false eyelashes.
For $19 (and free delivery!), you'll get all the satisfaction of cracking open those adorable doors, plus an array of goodies hidden inside. Get it here.
Advent Calendar Filled with Tea from kunstundtext on Etsy
Give yourself the gift of calm amid the overwhelming holiday season (not to mention finals)! German Etsy seller kundstund text has designed this personalized tea set with your "harmony and relaxation" in mind.
This advent calendar comes with 24 tea bags in 12 varieties from German tea-seller ALNATURA - so while counting down to Christmas, you'll also be able to enjoy the peaceful adventure of trying a new tea each and every day.
This calendar is on the pricier side, but I think the value is well worth the money - so, don't be afraid to splurge this holiday season. For $32.75, kundstund will ship this gift worldwide, and personalize the box with your name on it - plus you'll get instant relief from the stress of Christmas shopping! Get it here.
Inspirational Advent Calendar from Rock, Paper, Stars
Need a little motivation to get through your finals, Christmas shopping, and all of your other holiday obligations? This inspirational advent calendar from Rock, Paper, Stars will get you pumped up to achieve all of your December goals.
Once you order your advent calendar, you'll receive a box filled with 24 numbered envelopes. Contained within each envelope is a motivational postcard - so by the end of advent, you'll have a complete stationery set of 24 cards! That way, next Christmas, you'll be able to pay it forward with a little holiday cheer of your own.
For $32.02 (plus international shipping, unfortunately), you'l get a morning pick-me-up and a cute way to give a little kindness to your friends, family, and coworkers this holiday season. So, what are you waiting for? Get it here.
Countdown Calendar from Yankee Candle
Granted, most college students can't have candles in their dorm rooms - but if you're feeling a little more "naughty" than "nice" this holiday season, then Yankee Candle offers the perfect gift set!
Each day leading up to Christmas, you'll have the opportunity to open a new door that reveals a Yankee candle tealight in one of twelve holiday scents. From classic favorites like Christmas Cookie and Sparkling Snow, to newer arrivals like Holiday Bayberry and Bubbly Pomegranate, you'll be lighting up your world (and making it smell fantastic) in no time. This calendar even comes with a gold snowflake tealight holder so you can light your new candles in style.
Yankee Candle offers this amazing value for just $29.99. If you're a candle addict, be sure to keep this calendar high on your list! Get it here.
(Note: the advent calendar is sold out online, but you can usually find it at or order it to your nearest Yankee Candle store!)
Did you enjoy my first-ever 5 Under $50 post? Comment your most festive ideas for the next 5 Under $50 below!
As everybody finishes hanging their Christmas lights and setting up their advent calendars, I'm embarking on a holiday journey of my own: Blogmas.
In my four years of blogging, I just heard of Blogmas for the first time this year. In case you, too, have lived your life as a Blogmas ignoramus (yes, I rhymed on purpose), Blogmas is a blogging marathon in which bloggers post once a day leading up until Christmas.
I decided this year that I would loosely commit myself to Blogmas for the first time and just see how it goes. This means that in a couple of days, I'll probably wind up forgetting to post, briefly despising myself, and then falling off the bandwagon completely. But until then, merry Blogmas, and happy December 1st! Wish me luck so that I can continue to deliver you my daily Christmas-themed content.
Today, for the first day of Blogmas, a bucket list of things to do on break seemed perfectly appropriate. Each of these twelve ideas will bust your boredom over winter break, as well as put you in the cheerful spirit of Christmas (and hopefully help you recover from the doom and gloom of finals).
From Christmas cookie porn to a country Christmas playlist, I hope you'll find this post as entertaining as the recommendations in it!
1. Decorate Christmas cookies.
Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without dessert. Take advantage of the fact that you (finally) have a kitchen to cook in, instead of eating the same boring meals in the dining hall every night, and whip up a batch of good, old-fashioned Christmas cookies.
Not feeling creative? Check out some of my favorite cookie decor below!
There's nothing more beautiful or memorable than driving around in your pajamas with your friends, family, or significant other and taking in the holiday glow. Blast your favorite holiday jams while you drive for the ultimate Christmas experience.
I love country music, so lately, I've been listening to a lot of country singers' Christmas albums. Chris Young's "It Must Be Christmas" and Brett Eldredge's "Glow" are hands-down my top two favorites. Here, I'll make it easy for you: listen to both albums on the playlist below!
3. Have a Secret Santa party with your high school friends.
Christmastime is one of the only times when all of your high school friends are back in town at the same time, so take advantage of it while you can! This year, because we're all broke, my friends and I decided to have a Secret Santa party with a $5.00 limit, instead of everyone buying each other gifts like we used to do.
One of my friends even found us a web app that will pick your Secret Santa for you: www.drawnames.com. It allows you to create a group and set a deadline to join the group by. Then, it sends you an e-mail with who you have to buy a gift for, eliminating the need for anyone to peek at their Secret Santa to send the names to everyone! How ingenious is that?
4. Watch a classic Christmas movie with your family.
One year, my mom tried to start a Christmas tradition where we all watched a Christmas movie and got a new pair of pajamas every Christmas Eve - but just because our consistency flopped doesn't mean that we still don't love to huddle up on the couch and watch a Christmas classic!
Love, Actually, It's a Wonderful Life, and Elf are definitely my favorite Christmas movies, but there's tons more to choose from on Netflix and beyond. Luckily, the Dating Divas have put together a handy list of over 50 of the best Christmas movies (so I don't have to remember them all!). Check it out here!
5. Sip hot chocolate from your favorite coffee shop.
My favorite part of coming home from college is getting to spend time at all my favorite places in my hometown. We live in a little town in Massachusetts that's five square miles with a downtown that's full of hipster cafes and small businesses, so there's an abundance of coffee shops to choose from when you want a decent Americano or a steaming hot chocolate.
If coffee shops aren't really your thing (or your town just doesn't have any), then you can easily recreate the experience at home with a hot chocolate bar! The Pretty Paper Studio even sells hot chocolate bar printables on Etsy - take inspiration from them and DIY your own hot chocolate bar, or buy their set and make it a party!
6. Go ugly sweater shopping.
I look at an ugly Christmas sweater as an investment. When they first became a trend, we all thought it would go away eventually - but now the ugly sweater party is a much-loved staple of the Christmas season. An ugly Christmas sweater is practically a required part of your winter wardrobe!
If you're not a "try things on" kind of gal (which I totally feel), then here's some handy inspiration for your online shopping:
Okay, okay - I know winter break is supposed to be a time for friends and family, but who's to say you shouldn't have a little fun, too? Christmas parties are the perfect excuse to steal a romantic kiss from your S.O., or from the one you've been crushing on for weeks now.
In case kissing leads to something more, Cosmo offers up some festive ways to get busy under the covers. (Warning: NSFW!)
8. Send cards to your faraway friends and fam.
Personally, I don't have tons of money to buy all my family and friends Christmas presents - hence the Secret Santa swap this year. However, I do think it's still nice to acknowledge my family and friends during the holidays and let them know I'm thinking about them! A cheap way to do this is by sending a card.
Anthropologie's cards are slightly more pricey than those you might pick up at a Target or a Wal-mart (I actually got a pack of six for $1.50 at Michael's), but they're still fun to look at. Check out my favorites here, here, and here.
9. Try some wintry nail art.
I'm not the most skilled at nail art, but I think it's the cutest thing ever...and besides, with all that free time and nothing to do, winter break is the perfect time to pick up a new hobby. The plus of doing your own nail art instead of getting an expensive manicure is that you save money. Try not to cry the first time you chip your new paint job, though.
I'm actually thinking of doing a post about Christmas nail art for #Blogmas! (Is this something you'd be interested in reading? Comment below if yes!) However, as a sort of sneak preview, I'll still share some of my favorite pics below.
My mom has tried to start a lot of holiday traditions, some of which have flopped. However, one thing we do most years, if not every year, is drive around on Christmas Eve and look at Christmas light displays nearby. This has become harder recently, though, because fewer and fewer houses have been putting them up! When we were kids, we also used to open one early present every year on Christmas Eve, but we've also kinda stopped doing this as my brother and I have gotten older... so, hopefully your Christmas traditions are more successful than mine!
Spending time with family is one of the most important things you can do while you're home for winter break. Especially if you go to college miles and miles away from home, you never know when you might see your mom and dad again! Thankfully, the Christmas season is full of opportunities to spend time with loved ones, like enjoying some of your favorite holiday traditions from Christmas past.
11. Put your presents under the tree.
One of the worst parts of spending half the Christmas season in the dorms is that I missed out on setting up the Christmas tree with my family! Without those colorful lights and that twinkling star, it just doesn't feel like Christmas.
Luckily, you'll at least get to enjoy the Christmas tree while you're home for the holidays - and by wrapping your Christmas presents beautifully, you can contribute to the decor in your own special way. I went with a gold and silver theme for wrapping paper this year...I bought all of my designs from Michael's during their sales last weekends! (Comment below if you want to see a later #Blogmas post about my gift wrapping aesthetic, ha ha...)
12. Decorate gingerbread houses.
Confession time: Ryan's mom gets VERY intense about decorating gingerbread houses. Last year, we had a "competition" with his entire family...Ryan and I won by default, because none of his siblings were all too interested in decorating gingerbread.
However, not even the Tucker fam's gingerbread competition got as fancy as some of these houses I found on Pinterest! I thought I'd share them with you so we could all feel inferior together - I mean, get inspired for the holiday season...
(Special mention: the mini gingerbread houses that sit on top of your mug! Wish I could be so talented and coordinated that I could make some like that...without breaking them.)
How was everyone's Thanksgiving break? Apart from some brief family drama and an unfortunate case of bug bites, my Turkey Day was largely uneventful (and included no turkey, considering I've been a vegetarian for five years). I spent the holiday in Arkansas with my dad and Ryan, eating sides like mashed potatoes and scalloped corn and trying to stay away from my crazier relatives. Overall, the break was relaxing, enjoyable, and just what I needed before finals. I hope yours was the same!
One of the more exciting parts of my break occurred not on Thanksgiving, but on the day after Thanksgiving: a six-hour Netflix binge-watch. That's right, I'm talking about the Gilmore Girls revival!
If you're anything like me, you're probably still reeling in the aftermath of those final four words (which I solemnly swear I will NOT reveal here). If you're not a fan or just haven't watched the show, you're probably groaning right now and wondering when the fandom will finally shut up. Both responses are completely acceptable.
However, as much as I'd love to gush about the plot of the show, this isn't a TV blog. Thankfully, the revival offered me just as much fodder as a fashion and beauty blogger as it did for me as a longtime Gilmore fan.
Lorelei in flannel! Emily in jeans! Jess with facial hair! There were so many style moments during the revival that I think will go down in Gilmore Girls history as truly iconic. I could write an entire post on Rory Gilmore's work wardrobe alone.
Honestly, I would probably have to re-watch the entire six-hour series and give you my running commentary to fully do the costume, hair, and makeup pros the justice they deserve. But looking back, a few style and beauty moments in each episode stood out to me as truly inspiring. I'll walk you through them here.
But before I jump into my analysis, I'd like to give you full disclosure: if you have not seen the series yet and you do not want me to spoil it for you, do not read this post! As I mentioned before, I promised I would not blab the final four words of the finale. However, specific details from each of the episodes will be revealed, including some other major plots spoilers, and I don't want to be responsible for ruining your Gilmore Girls binge.
Now that that's out of the way, let's talk style.
Winter
When we first meet Lorelei and Rory again after their nine-year absence from television, it's winter in Stars Hollow. Though I'm sure there were plenty of other looks that deserved mention, this introductory moment saw the advent of some amazing peacoats, which subsequently became all I could think about when I decided to write this post. So, I've singled out both Lorelei and Rory's opening outfits, if only for their amazing outerwear.
First, an homage to Lorelai's pink coat. Supposedly, the original pink coat first appeared in the original Gilmore Girls series, but when the costume designer couldn't find the original, they bought the one we saw in Winter.
Personally, this pink coat might have been my favorite standalone costume piece of the entire series; it was both memorable and stylish, and suited Lorelei's bubbly, snow-loving personality to a T.
However, as I mentioned before, I also fell swiftly in love with Rory's work wardrobe, including her similar tan peacoat. First of all, I think it's adorable that they did a little bit of mother-daughter matching here. Both Lorelei and Rory wore coats with a similar silhouette; however, Rory's coat was a bit more austere than fun-loving Lorelei's, so I thought it was clever that they used this costume moment to highlight the similarities and differences between the duo.
I loved that Rory felt a little Audrey Hepburn during this scene. The navy blue dress she wore beneath that tan peacoat especially draws this comparison for its classic lines and high neckline. To me, this outfit signifies right off the bat that the Rory Gilmore we all knew and loved has grown up and become a fully-fledged woman.
When it comes to beauty, this initial scene introduced a trend that carried throughout the entire miniseries: rosy cheeks. So. Much. Blush. Went into the making of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life - at least, as far as I could tell from my binge (and subsequent stalking - I mean research - on Google Images).
The girls championed a natural look throughout most of the series, but there were some touches of color that helped amp up their beauty. Blush was one of those things that I thought truly helped the girls' natural beauty shine through. Subtle lip color was another.
In this first scene, I especially loved Rory's subtly berry lip. Her lip color in this scene was one of those "My Lips, But Better" shades that gave off a beautiful, just-bitten effect. Lorelei wore a similar shade - both of which screamed tinted lip balm rather than straight-up lipstick - but hers was a rosier, more age-appropriate hue.
Honestly, I was a bigger fan of Rory's slightly more noticeable berry lip color, if only because it grew up her character even more and flattered her skin tone. Lorelei's lip color was maybe a little too natural for camera, in my humble opinion, as it gave off the impression that she wore nothing at all on her lips.
However, in her favor, Lorelei's skin looked incredible during this scene and throughout the entire revival. Rory's did, too! Both girls looked like they hadn't aged a lick in the past nine years, which just made me think "Whatever cream or foundation they're using, I want it, too."
Finally, Rory's eyes were amped up with a lot of black liner during this scene. Rather than favoring the cat eye that's been so popular in recent years, the makeup team lined her whole eye, which was a cool sixties-style throwback and really helped them pop on-screen. Needless to say, I was a fan.
Overall, there was nothing I disliked about this scene's looks. The first scene of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life established a lofty precedent for what fans could expect from the style and beauty evolution of Lorelei and Rory over the past nine years. As we move forward to talk about the other three episodes, I think you'll see that our fave girls will continue to live up to that high standard.
Spring
I'll just go ahead and say it now, because I don't think I can hold it in any longer: PARIS GELLER'S PINK BLAZER.
There. I said it. Paris' blazer in the Spring episode of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life might just be my favorite fashion look from the entire show, or from any show, ever. Clearly, Liza Weil brought back some of her boss woman sensibility from How to Get Away With Murder and lent it to the costume department on set.
That being said, the rest of Paris' outfit during this episode was just as amazing as anyone could have hoped for. Her black stilettos were so sharp they could kill a man, and I cracked up during that bit with the briefcase. And don't even get me started on that haircut.
I'm sorry, Rory, but though I do want to highlight one of your looks, too, I think Paris wins the beauty prize as well. Specifically, Paris' contour was on point. I'm not sure if she just has naturally high cheekbones, but there seemed to be a subtle bronzed effect in her makeup look that gave me serious face envy.
Additionally, Paris' nude lipstick echoed that natural, "My Lips But Better" theme running throughout the entire series. When it comes to lip color, the makeup artists of Gilmore Girls know how to enhance an actress' natural features. So, if you're looking for bolder lip inspiration, this might not be the show for you - but if you love a good nude lip, then binge-watch away.
Overall, though, Paris...congratulations on blossoming. Your lovably aggressive personality might not have changed much in the past nine years, but you've certainly gotten a handle on that beauty and fashion thing.
My second favorite look was Rory's navy blue dress and cardigan combo from the Gilmore girls' trip to NYC (you know, the Wookee-humping outfit). Mainly, I loved this outfit because it was one of the only times that Rory mixed up her hair game, opting for a high ballerina bun instead of her typical wavy lob. But I also enjoyed the fact that I continued to get that Audrey Hepburn vibe off of her, an old-school Parisian look translated into Rory's modern everyday life.
The outfit was complete with Rory's delicate gold earrings. I genuinely appreciated this final touch, because you could really tell that the costume designers thought through her choices down to the tiniest details.
As a whole, Rory's NYC outfit was another great visual communication of the Gilmore girls' personalities. The fact that Rory was so dressed up just to go about her daily job as a journalist demonstrated how much she cared about getting that job with Conde Nast, and made me feel even more sorry when she didn't achieve her goal. Additionally, the fact that she had looked so pretty and polished before emphasized how mussed-up she was after that whole one-night stand fiasco, helping the audience understand just how unsettled Rory's life has become.
When it came to Rory's beauty look for this scene, I loved the natural eyeshadow palette that reappeared throughout all four episodes. In those six hours, I saw more shades of taupe than I ever knew existed - but I was totally into it. Clearly, the revival changed my life in more ways than I expected!
But what stood out most to me about Rory's beauty look in NYC was actually her highlight. I loved her illuminated cheekbones almost as much as I adored Paris' contour.
Though the Gilmore Girls' costume designer claims that they try to keep trends from affecting Stars Hollow, I saw the subtle infiltration of the highlighting and contouring phenomenons into the world of Gilmore Girls. While I appreciate that the Gilmores aren't treated like fashion plates, I also liked seeing some of these modern-day trends incorporated into the show. Since Amy Sherman-Palladino pays so much attention to pop culture, it feels only fair that beauty and style get their fair share of trend-watching as well.
The Spring episode was definitely a high point when it came to the cast's looks, but I hesitate to single out this chapter as my favorite, if only because of what comes next!
Summer
As much as I loved Spring (PARIS GELLER'S PINK BLAZER, Y'ALL), Summer was host to some of my favorite style and beauty looks from the entire revival.
I was particularly excited for this episode because one of my favorite O.G. Gilmore Girls characters finally returned. Looking at the set I designed, it shouldn't be difficult to single out who that might be, but for those of you who haven't guessed it on your own, I'll just come out and admit it: I'm #TeamJess all the way - and dare I add that with the way things left off at the end of the series, I think our odds are looking pretty darn good!
But we can talk about that later, once I finish gushing over just how much I loved Rory's pool outfit.
First of all, I have a couple of questions I'd love to ask Rory - namely, how did she and her mother convince two elementary school boys to hold their umbrellas and follow them around with their beach bags? But more importantly, where did she get that silk vest? I looked so hard for a silk vest similar to the one she wore in the revival and couldn't find anything with the same tie dye print. Kudos to her closet for being truly one-of-a-kind!
I love that Rory embraced the seventies vibe in this episode with a cute, casual peasant top, colorful shorts, and headband. To me, this outfit signified a more childlike, playful vibe. Maybe all these bright, Crayola colors were meant to show audiences how small and young Rory felt after moving back into her childhood home.
However, my downright favorite part of this outfit - or any outfit (besides maybe that gosh-darn blazer) of the revival - was the lace parasol that both Rory and her mother carried around. On some level, the parasols elevated these outfits to so silly and absurd that Gilmore fans began to speculate that the girls were wearing costumes after first seeing these stills. But on another, Lorelei and Rory fell right into line with the vintage 70s vibe that's permeated the fashion world since our real-life summer, and I simply cannot get enough.
In the world of beauty, Rory continued to channel a vintage vibe with her doll-like sixties eye look, complete with jet black liner and amped-up eyelashes. I wouldn't go so far to say that Rory was definitely wearing falsies, but most of us just aren't blessed with so much lash that we can simply throw on some mascara and suddenly walk around looking like that. Topped off with Rory's signature berry lip, the look was eye-opening, to say the least - to make a pun that Lorelei would be proud of (and that Luke would probably groan at).
And now that we've discussed Rory's breezy 70s glamour, let us turn our attention to my personal favorite character, Jess Mariano.
As soon as I decided to include men's fashion in this post, I thought of Jess - not only because he's my favorite character, but also because I think he's gone through the most dramatic style transformation of any of the Gilmore guys.
When we last saw Jess, he was only a slightly more grown-up version of the punky teenager who first wooed Rory. Now, I think it's safe to say that our boy Jess has grown into a fully-fledged adult - and man, did I love it. Milo Ventimiglia has aged like a fine wine, if I do say so myself.
With age, Jess seems to have developed a little more personal style. Now that he works at a publishing house, he's elevated himself to wearing short-sleeved collared shirts that give off a definite hipster vibe - though I have to admit, I fell in love with the navy blue jacket he wore while eating at the diner with Luke. It was the perfect touch of old, bad boy Jess that all of the longtime Gilmore Girls fans were waiting for.
The best part of Jess/Milo's transformation, however - hands-down - was the hair/beard combo he had going on. I felt like the shoulder-length locks and the facial hair were exactly what I would have imagined his character looking like nine years after we last saw him.
While Jess grew up, Rory might have regressed just a bit back to her childlike roots - but that doesn't mean that her fashion choices were any less satisfying. Between Jess' mature, yet still bad-boyish charm, and Rory's playful, colorful pool-going ensemble, Summer offered some of the most daring fashion looks of the revival.
Fall
Fall offered a simultaneously satisfying and dissatisfying conclusion to this four-part revival series. As much as I'd love to spend these next few paragraphs spewing up fan theories about the last four words, I promised I wouldn't reveal them, so I'll try to get through this fashion review with as few spoilers as possible.
During the end of the Spring episode, Lorelei made a decision that many have credited as the "least Lorelei-like decision" Lorelei Gilmore has ever made: to go hiking along the 2,000-mile trail in California that inspired the book (not movie) Wild. But as much as the words "Lorelei Gilmore" and "nature" clash, this decision brought me one of my favorite fashion looks of the revival.
I loved the flannel and puffer vests Lorelei wore on her hiking trip - though they have been controversial to some. After seeing promo pictures of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, a lot of fans remarked that Lorelei had suddenly begun dressing like Luke and seemed to be in shock about it.
However, I personally loved the mountain girl look on Lauren Graham; I thought she wore it naturally. And who knows? Perhaps the costume designer intended for us to draw comparisons to Luke, so that we would feel reassured that it wasn't over between them. I don't know about you, but I knew the whole time how this series would end - and let me tell you, I wasn't dissatisfied in the least.
We'll get to talking about the juicier parts of the finale in a little bit, but first I'd like to remark yet again on the liberal (and excellent) use of blush on the Gilmore gals during this series. I thought the peachy-pink color Lorelei wore on her cheekbones throughout much of Fall gave her a lovely, flushed glow. Considering that I don't think anyone would expect Lorelei to come out as a makeup fanatic, the natural look suited her personality as well as her inherent beauty.
As for that whopper of an ending, I fell in love with Lorelei's wedding dress. This look was a strong contender for my favorite look overall, right up there with that pink blazer from Spring.
It took me awhile to notice that Lorelei's dress was not, in fact, one piece, but actually a dress and cardigan combo, a clever move on the part of the costume design team. I'm not sure which separate I loved more: the classic, Peter Pan-collared shift, or the sheer lacy three-quarter sleeved sweater. Together, however, they created a dress that was as simple as it was elegant.
I also think it's worth mentioning that the dark colors they chose for Lorelei's wedding look were the polar opposite of what one might expect from a wedding dress. But considering the nontraditional path that Luke and Lorelei took to get to this point in their relationship, Lorelei's fashion choice for this special occasion makes a lot of sense.
Lorelei wasn't meant to be a blushing bride, or to have a big white wedding; it's not what either her or her fiance would have wanted. They got married quietly, in an understated civil ceremony - and Lorelei's understated, yet glamorous dress perfectly fit the occasion.
The taupe eyeshadow made a comeback for Lorelei's wedding scene, as did the bouncy curls that both Lorelei and Rory wore throughout much of the revival. However, as is appropriate for a wedding, Lorelei's curls looked a bit more prim and proper - a bit more finished, if you will - than they would have on any ordinary day.
Overall, Lorelei's beauty look didn't exactly shatter our expectations for the character. If we are to assume that Lorelei's no-makeup makeup look is her everyday average, then this slightly enhanced version suits her wedding night perfectly.
One of the best parts of Lorelei's character, I would argue, is reflected in her wedding night look: she isn't at all unrealistic. Watching Lorelei Gilmore on a screen feels like watching someone you know in real life. We wouldn't want that character to be rocking overstated sequin gowns or a deep mauve lip in her everyday life; we just want her to feel familiar, a character who can break the fourth wall and permeate our hearts off-screen as well as on. That's what I think Lorelei's subtle makeup and style looks accomplish, and even as a fashion and beauty blogger, I wouldn't have it any other way.
As long as we ignore the final four words, I think each character of Gilmore Girls got the happy ending they deserved, both plot-wise and style-wise. All of the characters grew up in their own special way. Paris became a businesswoman. Jess settled down (somewhat). Rory found some direction (I repeat: some), and Luke and Lorelei got married.
When it comes to the fateful conclusion, only time will tell what the final four words mean for our beloved cast. But one thing feels certain to me: they aren't really "final" in any way. For all we know, I could be sitting here again in 2025 - another nine years later - writing another review of another revival's fashion and beauty trends.
For the longest time, women have felt like they have to keep their menstrual and reproductive health problems secret, for fear of offending male ears or disgusting their coworkers. Personally, I never felt comfortable talking about the problems I experienced on birth control with anyone but my doctor. (Thanks, period stigma!) But I also don't think that menstruation or reproductive health should have to be a secret.
Lately, it feels like there's been a bit of a revolution against hormonal birth control. I became part of that revolution back in August, when my doctor urged me to quit taking birth control for health reasons. Around that time, I was seeing a ton of articles on Pinterest and elsewhere explaining how the hormones in birth control pills could cause a host of problems, ranging from low sex drive to depression (both of which I experienced on birth control).
Lots of women nowadays are fighting back against the common assertion that the birth control pill, or any other form of hormonal birth control, is the best or only choice for anyone.
Over the summer, as I became more and more fascinated by women's health topics, I even read a book about endometriosis, that challenged the common use of birth control pills as a long-term treatment option. It's not just another natural health phenomenon propagated by the fitness industry. Even the medical community is fighting back.
While it's true that I quit birth control pills amidst this medical revolution, I would also like to add that there's nothing wrong with using birth control pills or other hormonal birth control. If you don't experience any negative side effects on the pill, you shouldn't feel like you have to quit just because of something you read on the internet. Choosing to start (or stop) a birth control method is a personal choice every woman should make on her own.
However, I know that a lot of women are probably asking themselves, "Why all this fuss about the pill?" Before my health problems developed, I probably would never have thought twice about my choice of birth control.
I may not be able to speak for every woman who has denounced the pill, but I can certainly say that while oral contraceptives, aka birth control pills, work great for some women, they didn't for me.
This is the story of how and why I quit.
Why I Started the Pill
I was fifteen when I started birth control pills. I wasn't exactly sexually active yet (that is, I wasn't having "real" sex), so that wasn't my primary reason for using it - though its birth control function did come in handy later.
The real problem was that I developed heavy, irregular periods and painful cramps about a year or two after I started my period. I got my first period when I was 11, and for the first year or so, I suffered from light, frequent periods (we're talking sometimes every two or three weeks) that didn't really bother me, aside from the near-constant cycle of bleeding.
But around 12 or 13, something started to change. I started to get deep, throbbing aches in my lower back and abdomen. Every time I got my period, I had to dope up on Aleve just to get through the day at school. My flow also started to change as my periods started to become somewhat-more regular, becoming heavier and brighter in color.
I grudgingly dealt with these problems until high school, accepting that a woman's period was just a burden she had to bear. But constantly needing to sit down and take a break every time you get your period, because your cramps are just so bad, eventually takes its toll on you.
As a freshman in high school, I found myself on my period, laying on the cafeteria floor at lunch with my friends because the cold linoleum felt good on my aching back. An upperclassman took a picture making fun of me and posted it on Instagram.
The following year, I took the MCAS (Massachusetts' state standardized test) for the last time. Halfway through the essay-writing portion, my cramps became so bad that I felt dizzy and nauseous. I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and take an Aleve because I absolutely could not concentrate. Embarrassingly enough, I explained to my teacher what was wrong, but she was nothing but sympathetic, saying that even she had noticed how bad I clearly felt.
When period cramps interfere with your life to that degree, you lose your confidence. And that's where my journey with birth control begins.
That August, I had my yearly checkup at my pediatrician's office. My mom was in an exam room a couple doors down with my little brother, who was also having his yearly physical at the time.
Unexpectedly, my mom popped into the room during my exam. I had been planning to ask my doctor about birth control pills in private, but I wasn't about to let my mom's presence change my plans. My mom later claimed to be "shocked" that I had asked for them "out of nowhere," without consulting her at all.
In all honestly, I had been too afraid to ask, because I didn't want her to think I wanted them for "the wrong reasons." My mom had me young, claiming that she had been too afraid of her parents finding out she was on birth control (see any similarities?).
My mom left me with the exact same feeling, even though all I wanted them for was to make my quality of life a little better. Even if I had wanted them because I was sexually active, there shouldn't have been anything to fear.
As a budding woman with period cramps and a (unbenownst to me at the time) mental ilness, that was my first of many experiences with societal stigma. And while stigma wasn't the ultimate reason why I had to quit birth control pills, it factored into my (voluntary) decision to take back my reproductive freedom by going off of them.
What I Experienced on Birth Control
The first two years of birth control were great. My periods became lighter and more manageable, with less pain and cramping. My cycles also became regular, whereas before they had varied from too long to too short.
Then, as a senior in high school, I broke up with my boyfriend. I met a new guy. I fell in love. And like so many other teenagers, we decided to "do it" for the first time.
Every girl's first time is more than a little awkward - and every guy's, for that matter. (Honestly, whose first time actually goes the way it was planned?)
Thankfully, I had prepared myself for awkward. I had even prepared myself for pain, though experts claim that your first time should never really hurt the way people say it does. But what I hadn't prepared myself for was just how much pain I would experience.
My boyfriend was careful and loving and kind, and our first time shouldn't have hurt. Still, it did, and I immediately put the blame on myself, feeling angry that I hadn't been turned on enough to please him.
Admittedly, it wasn't a healthy reaction to losing my virginity. But I don't think the problem was that I wasn't ready. The problem was that I wasn't expecting it to hurt that bad.
Sex seemed to get a little easier for awhile. We discovered the beauty of lube, which we had (foolishly) ignored, like most teenagers, the first time. But around Christmastime, I started to experience a new type of pain that I hadn't experienced before - a rubbing, chafing sensation. I acquired other unpleasant symptoms as well, like (TMI, probably) thick white discharge and burning pee.
I wasn't a stranger to vaginal infections, so it only made sense to assume that was what I had. At 13 years old, I'd mistakenly self-treated for a yeast infection only to find out I'd had bacterial vaginosis, a completely different animal of a vaginal infection.
This time, I recognized the yeast infection symptoms from the information on the back of the OTC-medication package from all those years ago. So, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor about a week later. She asked me a lot of questions, performed a (painful) gynecological exam using a speculum, and send samples off to the lab for testing.
In the meantime, concluding that I was probably right and most likely did have a yeast infection, she prescribed me fluconazole to treat it. The way the fluconazole worked was that I was supposed to take the pill one time only. Ideally, the single dose would be enough to rid myself of the yeast, but in case the infection decided to stubbornly hang around, she prescribed me a second dose to be taken a few days later.
I took both doses, with not much improvement to my symptoms. Shortly after, the doctor called with an explanation: I hadn't tested positive for yeast, after all. In fact, my lab tests had come back completely normal.
Christmas and New Year's both went by before I scheduled another doctor's appointment. In the meantime, my relationship with my boyfriend was starting to struggle emotionally from the sexual dysfunction I was experiencing.
The fact of the matter was that sex hurt. No matter how much lube we used, it always seemed to dry out faster than expected. Or, certain products would just sting when we applied them, causing me even more pain.
Something a lot of women don't mention when they talk about these issues is the emotional toll that it takes on a relationship. A lot of sex sessions that should have been fun, frisky, and flirtatious ended in tears. As you can imagine, the pain I experienced as a result of my vaginal problems didn't make sex very fun for me, nor were these circumstances exactly conducive to an orgasm.
At some points, I even felt so low that I believed I was "less of a woman," that I wasn't really in love with or attracted to my boyfriend, or even that I wasn't attracted to men at all. (Though there wasn't anything fundamentally wrong with me questioning my sexuality - many young people do, and many people draw the conclusion that they aren't straight, which is completely healthy, normal, and fine - in my case I found out that these were just fears, fears that resulted from a combination of my anxiety disorder and the low libido I experienced on the pill.)
On top of that, my boyfriend started to lose confidence, too. He sometimes thought it was his fault I was hurting. Because I knew it wasn't, I started to feel guilty for making him feel bad, which just led to an endless spiral of negative emotions. And because of those negative emotions, I actually think the sex hurt worse, because neither of us felt as aroused as we could have under normal, healthy conditions.
Two more painful gynecological exams later, I was pretty much just apologized to and told to try a plethora of at-home remedies. I read online that I could try taking hot baths or painkillers before sex, so I did. I watched Laci Green's sex ed channel on YouTube and found out that certain kinds of lubricant can cause unhealthy bacteria to grow in your vagina, so we ordered special, all-natural lubricant online.
Even my doctor recommended remedies that hadn't been scientifically proven simply in the hopes of offering me relief, such as taking a probiotic supplement. Though she said there wasn't clinical evidence that it would help, she told me many women experienced some relief with the addition of the supplement, and that it would be worth a shot at any rate. I've taken a probiotic ever since then.
Only one idea offered a short-term remedy that didn't last: we quit using latex condoms, and switched to polyisoprene instead. Since quitting the pill, I've actually discovered that I have a latex sensitivity - but since that was only about 50% of the problem, it didn't provide 100% of the solution. I think the sheer belief that quitting latex condoms would solve our problems convinced us at first, but after a few weeks passed by, we realized that something much deeper was going on, a problem that couldn't simply be fixed with shiny new condoms or all-natural lubricant.
Unsurprisingly, the topic of birth control came up more than once at my appointments. I switched up my birth control prescription once or twice before realizing it did no good to replace harmful hormones with more harmful hormones, or different types of harmful hormones.
But at the time, quitting simply didn't feel like an option. To me, going off the pill meant a certain pregnancy - and neither me nor my boyfriend were ready for that, obviously. We were just two kids in high school, and the prospect of raising a baby scared us both equally.
At my third and final doctor's appointment, I was finally referred to a gynecologist (believe it or not, at seventeen years old, I had never visited one before). The referral felt like a glimmer of hope. My doctor built me up to expect the appointment to give me answers that she, as a generalist, hadn't been able to give me.
Getting into the gynecologist proved almost as difficult as the journey that had led me there. I had first tried to schedule an appointment in February or March, and hadn't been able to get in until April. Then, a cancellation had forced me to push the appointment out until June.
That time wasn't easy for our relationship. I don't care to relive it here, but I'll just say that it was full of the same tearful sexual encounters and fights as before - only now, these issues were becoming so deep-seated that they began to chip away at the previously rock-solid foundation of our relationship.
For that reason, my gynecologist's visit became even more of a holy grail. I didn't care about relieving the pain anymore so much as learning how to enjoy sex and please my partner again. But after an hour of intrusive questions about my sex life and the same gynelogical exam and swabs I'd received countless times before, I simply received a diagnosis of "vaginal dryness" and was sent on my merry way.
Sex hurt, but not as much as the disappointment of having to drive home feeling as if my problems were invisible. Even this gynecologist, the specialist who was supposed to have cured me and my relationship problems, had no answers for me. I started to wonder if I was a medical anomaly. I began to oscillate between believing that my body was fundamentally broken, or that my problems were all in my head....
In short, I lost hope.
Why I Finally Had To Quit
The last straw for me was when my birth control started to affect my mood. My physical health was already trash, but I wasn't about to let some stupid pills negatively impact my mental health.
I already had so much wrong with me physically. By that point, no doctor had offered me a solution that had worked for more than a couple of weeks - maybe a month if I was luck. At that point, I was willing and able to accept that the pain and the low sex drive were just something I might have to deal with for the rest of my life.
While I felt a deep and incommunicable sense of grief and disappointment that other girls didn't have to live this way, I understood that some people are just dealt unlucky hands in life. The way I saw it, painful sex and all these other symptoms were just my bout of bad luck.
What I wasn't willing to accept was the damage this medication eventually caused to my mood. It just so happened that I was in the middle of battling a second beast when these physical problems arose: my mental illnesses.
Anxiety had become so deeply ingrained in who I was that I had simply accepted it as a personality trait. My mom tells countless stories of my neuroticism and perfectionism from my childhood that seem funny to her, but to me just seem like hallmarks of my developing disorders.
I was depressed for the first time when I was a sophomore in high school. On top of that, I had intrusive thoughts about suicide that confused and frightened me. I knew in my heart that I didn't want to die, but the thoughts - as so many obsessive thoughts do - popped into my head every time I saw a bottle of pills or a pair of scissors. I didn't know yet that those thoughts were symptoms of my obsessive-compulsive tendencies (my therapist's term for my OCD-like symptoms, which aren't quite enough to warrant a diagnosis but certainly deserve recognition nonetheless).
It actually wasn't until I finally started to open up to my boyfriend about my feelings that he suggested I had reason for concern. He told me that I should ask my parents to see a therapist, which had never crossed my mind before.
At first, we fought every time we talked about the idea. My anxiety made me less than receptive to the idea of opening up to my parents about my feelings, especially because my dad's anxiety became a sore spot in my divorced parents' relationship toward the bitter end. But in the end, I am forever grateful to him for bringing up the subject. Without him, therapy would never have been on my radar, and I wouldn't be where I am now, feeling healthier than I ever have.
I finally started to feel like I could make progress toward getting better. I'd resolved to talk to my mom about therapy, or seek treatment on my own once I became an adult. I was devoting more and more time to self-care practices despite my busy schedule; I started to take baths, write in my journal, and color in mindfulness coloring books. I also read self-help books and pinned mental health articles on Pinterest like nobody's business. My untreated anxiety and depression even became the subject of my second blog, Love, Haley.
And for maybe the first time in my high school career, I didn't do these things because they were productive or would help me get into college, but because they made me happy and I enjoyed them.
Things had finally started to look up for me - until they took a dramatic turn for the worse. The summer before I went to college, just a few short months ago, I entered my third or fourth depressive episode since I was fifteen.
The mental strife, and the strain on my personal relationships, that my depression placed on me opened my eyes to the potential role that birth control may have played in all of my health problems. Around the same time, I started to see articles cropping up around the web that blamed birth control for negative side effects much like the ones I'd experienced: low libido, vaginal dryness, painful sex, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.
My mental health problems were simply too much for me to deal with. I was desperate for a solution, and if birth control pills were to blame, I wanted them out of my life forever.
In August, I scheduled a physical for my freshman college paperwork. At the appointment, I finally took a bold risk by addressing the mental illness I'd tried so hard for so long to conceal. Subtly, I suggested that I thought birth control might have been linked to my symptoms, so my doctor gave me a questionnaire that tested for anxiety and depression using a numerical scoring system.
Silently, I filled out the survey as honestly, as vulnerably, as I could. Then, I handed it back to her. She tallied my answers, then looked up at me with a serious expression.
I'll never forget what she said to me: "These scores cannot stay this high."
Hearing those words, a glimmer of the hope I'd lost finally returned. Having someone validate your emotions always feels amazing - but the best part was that she acknowledged that my birth control might have been doing this to me.
It wasn't all in my head; I wasn't crazy; I wasn't any less of a woman. I was normal, 18-year-old girl whose medication was making her sick. And so on my doctor's advice, I decided to talk to my boyfriend about quitting the pill.
Why It's So Important To Talk About Birth Control
The narrative of the medical drama I experienced last year contains innumerable examples of stigma. Throughout my birth control journey, I felt ashamed of my body, my health, and my womanhood.
I didn't know how to talk about my problems with my friends, my mom, or even my doctor, sometimes. I constantly felt like I wasn't explaining myself properly, or that other people weren't listening. I also consistently downplayed the amount of pain I had, and what my symptoms were, in order to avoid telling my parents that I wasn't a virgin anymore.
My fear of slut-shaming, and of being punished for having sex, forced me into silence about a very real medical problems I was having. Personally, I feel that this is inherently wrong.
The worst part about stigma, especially when it comes to medical issues, is that it makes us reluctant to talk about what's bothering us, which then makes our problems more difficult to treat. Imagine trying to explain that you hurt your arm without using the word "arm." That's basically how it feels to go to the gynecologist, when you grew up believing that "vagina" was a dirty word - a swear only suitable for porn movies and Amy Schumer skits.
During that year, I learned more about sex, birth control, and my vagina - that's right; I am no longer afraid to say it - than I ever knew before. My school didn't have sex ed, and my parents didn't give me 'the talk,' so when it came to sex, I was on my own. The only thing I knew was that if they found out I was doing it, they probably wouldn't be happy. Not only did I suffer in secret, but I also suffered with very little information available to me. The little information I did have came from my doctor or the Internet.
One important thing I learned in my research? Going off birth control doesn't automatically mean you will get pregnant.
I shouldn't have put up with the physical pain my birth control caused me as long as I did - but for me, the fear of getting pregnant was too great. I had a college scholarship; a bright future ahead of me. Getting pregnant simply wasn't an option, so it wasn't until I began to fear for my mental well-being that I started to realize just how poorly my birth control was treating me.
When I first thought about quitting birth control, getting pregnant felt unavoidable. Unless I replaced it with another hormonal method, like an IUD or an implant, I thought the chances of pregnancy off birth control were much higher than they actually are. Thanks to what I'd seen on TV (since that was pretty much all the sex ed I'd gotten), I was certain that all condoms would inevitably break, and that without a back-up birth control method, I would be doomed.
It wasn't until my doctor told me that condoms, when used correctly, can be just as effective as the pill that I felt comfortable even entertaining the possibility of quitting. Even then, the idea still scared me. Some days, it still does scare me, knowing that someday I could need to take Plan B or even have an abortion - but I feel much more comfortable in my decision now that I have so much more information available to me about different birth control methods, and how my prior birth control method affected my health.
Stigma surrounding my health issues affected the other people in my life, too - not just me. When my boyfriend told his mom he was bringing me to the gynecologist, her first question was an angry "Is she pregnant?" Once he explained what was going on, his mom then turned to wondering in fury why my own mother couldn't take me.
In actuality, it wasn't my mom's fault. It was mine. I wasn't comfortable asking for company, or even having anyone else in the room when I got my exam.
But ultimately, the hardest part of adjusting to my life after birth control wasn't the heavy periods or the cramps, neither of which were as bad as I remembered them. Instead, the greatest challenge I faced was getting my boyfriend to hop on board.
He'd had about the same sexual education that I had, relying on the Internet and porn, and didn't know much of anything about birth control methods. All he knew was that he wanted me on one. For him, getting me pregnant wasn't an option either, as we were both students with our own career goals and paths - but as grateful as I am that he wanted to take precautions against pregnancy, I found myself frustrated as I tried to explain that condoms were just as effective as other forms of birth control.
You see, we weren't always as responsible as we should have been about using condoms when I had been on the pill. Like many men, my boyfriend thought that it "felt better" without one. So did I, because not using a condom had eased some of the pain I had previously been feeling.
When we first started to argue about it, I thought it was my fault for giving him expectations, and for "letting him" have sex without one in the first place. I thought I had set an unhealthy, damaging precedent, when in reality, I had the full right to change the sex rules - and to be comfortable with them - whenever and however I wanted.
After a few days of debate, I finally got through to the real root of his concerns, which wasn't really that sex "felt better" without a condom, but that he still felt uncomfortable without a backup method of birth control. He urged me to try a copper IUD, the only non-hormonal IUD on the market, but I said no because I wasn't comfortable with the risks associated with it.
In the end, I found that the problem wasn't getting him to agree with me, but educating him on the issues. As a guy, he hadn't been taught (or done research on) any information about birth control. As a guy, who doesn't have the birth control options that women do, he never had any reason to.
Put simply, my boyfriend didn't know the facts. He didn't know the risks associated with IUDs, or the efficacy rate of condoms. Once I explained those things to him, he gradually began to come around to seeing things my way, and learned to accept my decision.
It wasn't that my boyfriend was an asshole or wanted to dictate my birth control choices - it was that he just didn't have all the facts necessary to making educated decisions. Once he was given the information that I had, my boyfriend slowly began to understand why my birth control wasn't a good fit for me. Now, we are both comfortable with my choice and enjoy sex much more, since my libido is higher and sex doesn't leave me in excruciating pain.
In that sense, my boyfriend, too, became a victim of women's health stigma. Men have the right to know these things as much as women do. Educating men helps them be better, more understanding partners. We might assume that they don't care or don't need to know, or will try to meddle in our personal health decisions - but in reality, many men are happy and willing to learn these things, if they are only given the opportunity.
My health issues gave my boyfriend the opportunity to learn - something not every man gets in his lifetime. That's why we need comprehensive sexual education for both sexes, about both sexes.
Stigma is a drain on everyone, and over the course of last year, it drained me. I was constantly exhausted from fighting a war with my mind and body. Now, without birth control, I am free in more ways than just one. I am both free of pain - mental and physical - and free of the stigma that society imposed on me.
If there's anything you take away from this blog post, it's not that you should quit birth control. That's not my message. My message, put simply, is educate yourself. You deserve all of the information available to you about what birth control methods are right for you, and how they might be impacting your health. Don't let your parents, your sex ed teacher, or your conservative neighbor hold you back!
Your health is your responsibility. You cannot rely on anyone else to take care of it for you. If you want to feel better, then "vagina" cannot be a dirty word. Sex cannot be a sin, or something reserved for sluts. You cannot be afraid to speak up, and tell a doctor when something is wrong with your body.
Stigma is real. It's real, and it hurts. We all face it every day, regardless of our gender. But the good news is that we can fight it, and that's what I ask you to do today.
I hope I have succeeded in changing your perceptions about birth control. I hope I have challenged your beliefs and the way you think about your body. Most of all, to anyone who has struggled the way that I have, I hope I give you hope.
Help break the stigma! Share your period or birth control story in the comments below.
